“Short, Short Fan Fictions”

“Revealed”

Superman landed in the alley and quickly changed into his street clothes. Clark Kent walked confidently from the alley into a crowd of teens. One looked him up and down and said, "Yo fly, man, yo fly!" Clark was stunned for a moment then said, "You must be mistaken!" Another youth can forward and said, "Mistaken? No way man, we can all see yo fly man!" Clark says, "Please don't tell anyone what you saw!" The kid replied, "Why? Theys can all see fo theirselves, man." The man pointed at Clark's pants. Clark looked down, turned beet red and quickly zipped his pants.

I realized I was a little wordy before in "Revealed," so I rewrote it as a story involving Clark, Pete, Chloe and Lana.

"Superfly"

Clark walks up to Pete Chloe and Lana not noticing the draft.

Clark:
Pete:
Lana:
Chloe:
Clark:
Pete:
Chloe: (points down)
Clark:
Pete:
Clark:
Lana:
Chloe:

"Got Milk"

Lana was upset about Clark breaking up with her. She decided to spend as much time riding her horse as possible as an excuse for her to be near Clark. She was getting ready to go to the Kent farm when she dropped her contact lens. She couldn't find it, so she got her thick, horned-rimmed glasses on. When she got to the Kent's farm, she put her glasses in the glove box, went to the barn, saddled up her horse and headed out into the pasture. Soon Clark came yelling after her. "Lana, when will you be coming back to the barn?" Lana answered, "Why do you care?" Clark said, "Well, Bessie likes to be milked the same time everyday. Just let me know when you are through with her."

"Midnight Visit"

Lana finally told Clark that she was ready to go all the way. She would be in the guest bedroom of the Sullivan house at 10:30pm. He was to climb the trellis and crawl in the window. At 10:00pm, Lana was waiting in the guest bedroom. Clark was saving a life and got delayed. At 11:00pm an angry Lana returned to the bedroom shared with Chloe. At 11:15pm, Chloe returned home with her cousin Lois who had shown up unexpectedly. Lois went up to sleep in the guest bedroom. At 12:00, Clark crawled through the window and made love to the woman he thought was Lana.

The next day at school, Clark walked up to Lana as if he owned her. Lana brushed him off coldly. Clark thought "Women!" Lana thought, "Men!" At the Sullivan house, Lois thought, "I'll have to visit Smallville more often!"

"Lana's Reaction"

After taking Clark to the apartment above the Talon, Lana gave Clark an icy stare and said, "I've thought about it a lot. I killed a man to save your parents' lives. I think that entitles me to the truth. I can handle it whatever it may be. Clark thought a while then quietly said, "Honest to God I am an alien from the planet Krypton. I am incredibly strong and bullet proof. Red meteor rocks remove all my inhibitions and the green ones make me sick." Lana looked at him, smiled and said, "Is that it? Kewl!" Clark, "What? When I asked you what you would think if [?] was an alien, you said you would freak out." Lana, "He always freaked me out alien or not. If you're an alien, I can't wait for the invasion!" Lana began disrobing. Clark stripped down. Lana looked down and was pleasantly surprised. Clark said "This is normal for a Kryptonian." "Kewl!" she said. He pulled off his socks. Her mouth dropped open. "Oh that," said Clark, "Kryptonians only have 4 toes on each foot." Lana began sobbing, "Get dressed. I can't get involved with you!" "Why not?!" asked Clark. Lana answered, "I'm lack-toes intolerant!"

"First and Last Encounter"

Superman landed near Batman on the roof of the largest building in Gotham City. He walked up to Batman and introduced himself. After a long and friendly conversation, Superman said he had to go and said good-bye. Batman said he had to leave too. Superman leapt from the building and so did Batman. Superman turned to Batman and said, "Wow! I never knew you could fly too! Goodbye again." Superman put on a burst of speed and disappeared. Batman said, "Oh Shit!"

“The Blind Man Cometh”

While taking a quick shower, Martha heard the doorbell ring. She had forgotten that Jon had said he was expecting an important deliver that day. She reached for her robe but it wasn't there. She had forgotten it was in the wash. She figured she could yell through the door that she would be back in a moment, then go get some clothes to put on. She got to the door and shouted "Who is it?" "The answer came back, "Blind Man!" Martha thought, what the heck and threw open the door. A man with several long rectangular boxes stood there and stammered, "I'm the blind man. I'm here to install these blinds."

“A Friend In Deed “

Clark walks in the door and hands Jon a letter from Lex. Jon asks what it's about. Clark says, "Well, there's some good news and some bad news. The good news is that that letter confirms that Lex has been fully compensated for the farm and you own it free and clear. I also now own the Luthor mansion which Lex is renting from me. The bad news is that Lex will never play poker with me again."

"Superman's Wardrobe"

Council Member Dim-Wit came home from the meeting where Coucil voted against Jor-El's proposal to evacuate Krypton. He was the only one to vote for the proposal. The crowd had pelted him with fruit for casting that vote. He stripped down and threw his clothes on the bed. His wife said "No you don't, put those clothes and all your other dirty clothes in the washing machine." When he came back into the room, he asked if the spaceship he had ordered from Jor-El had arrived because he wanted to return it for his money back. She told him it had come. Just then, there were terrible earthquakes, so Dim-Wit grabbed his son, ran into the back room with him and then ran back alone asking where the remote control for the spaceship was. His wife handed it to him and he pushed the launch button. With a powerfull "WOOSH" the spaceship took off, crashing through the ceiling. Dim-Wit turned to his wife and asked, why the washing machine had taken off like that. "You idiot!" she shouted, "You must have put our Son in the washing machine!" A few minutes later, Krypton exploded.

Years later, Superman discovered a spaceship filled with smelly clothing. After a quick trip into the Sun, Kal-El had enough indestructible clothes for a lifetime.

"Branded"

Clark was dropped by the school bus at the front gate. He immediately noticed the new sign under "The Kent Farm" that read "The Diamond 8 Ranch." He was heading up to the house when he heard the new cattle making a ruckus out by the barn. A line of cattle were at the front door of the barn and a steady steam of them were heading out the back door and into the pasture. He went in and found Jon standing next to the spaceship which had reformed itself back into it's original shape. "What are you doing Dad?" Jon answered, "Jor-El and I have an understanding. He is helping me brand the new cattle." With that a light shot out of the spaceship and another cow was marked with the diamond 8 brand. Jon said, "Look out back." As a cow headed towards a place where the fense had fallen down, the brand on that cow started to glow and the cow quickly turned back. Jon said, "It's like invisible fencing! No more fences to mend!" Another cow was branded as Jor-El's voice said, "Graze with strength, my cow."

"Paradise Lust"

Clark had gotten word that a woman from an all-female society knew his secret and wanted to meet with him at the Talon. As Clark walked in, a smiling Lana walked by with a tray and Clark almost feel over. Lana was a little more top heavy than he remembered. He went up and asked Lana as subtly as a Kansas farm boy could what had happened to her bust line. Lana blushed and said, "You like it? Your friend Diana couldn't wait for you and she had no money to pay for her cappuccino, so she gave me some things she claims are magical -- and I believe her. One is a golden lasso that I plan on trying out later and the other is a brazier that the women where she lives make. I think it does Wonders."

Well gang. Do you suppose she left some bread they make on Paradise Island as well? It's supposed to make a body grow in seven ways.

"Are the Stars out Tonight?"

Pete asked Clark how things were going between him and Cassie. Clark answered that she was mad at him and they weren't talking. "Why?" asked Pete. Clark answered, "Well, we were out on patrol out near the woods. As usual, she had loaded up on coffee all day so she could stay alert. After an hour or two, she asked to be excused for a minute and went out behind a tree. While I was waiting I was looking at the stars. They were really bright. After she was gone 40 seconds I shouted out "I see Cassio-pe-a ...." When she came back in a minute, she was mad as a hornet, cursing about my x-ray vision. She stormed home and hasn't talked to me since."

"Red Letter Day"

The day after "Red" Clark threw Chloe out of his deluxe apartment in the sky, Chloe can back and used her lock picks to let herself in. She went to his bed, put a letter on his pillow and then left. The letter read:

Clark,

My Dad told me there are two types of girls. The kind you grow out of and the kind you grow into. I just wanted to let you know that if you one day decide that I'm the one for you and decide to fly back to me, know this. You can grow into someone else because you are nothing but a weed to me now. You can #@$$%%$#@ and #$@!!@#.

Sincerely,

Chloe Sullivan

"Mom Said I Didn't Have To"

Clark tried fluffing his pillow. He tried harder, but it crumbled to gravel. He came fully awake. He was lying in his pajamas on the floor of the caves. Suddenly, a blue light appeared around him and a voice spoke: "Kal, son, you must get serious about your training. You have not yet met enemies that will fully test your strength. That day must not arrive and find you wanting! How will you ever rule here if you don't prepare now?" Clark answered, "I don't want to rule the world! I just want to be a friend and help when possible." Jor-El: "You are far too young to make such decisions for yourself, you must ...." "He must what?!!" said a sharp female voice as a pink light began to glow on the other side of the cave, "Did we have a son together or did we make ourselves a puppet? I think it's sweet that Kal wants to help these people. Rao knows they need it. If he doesn't want to rule this world he doesn't have too!" "But Lara!" "But nothing! I should have handled this thing from the beginning. That branding non-sense was sadistic! Just shut up from now on and let our son get some sleep." The blue light faded. The pink light surrounded Clark. He felt his hair move and something touch his forehead. The next thing he knew, his alarm clock was going off. When he went into the bathroom, he was surprised to see a pair of lip prints on his forehead.

"Game Show Jitters"

It was Clark's most embarrassing day ever. His family was appearing on "Family Feud." Pete, Lex and Lana had joined his family on the show. If it wasn't bad enough that he had smashed the buzzer his first time at the podium, now was the lightning round. He would rather be in a room full of meteor freaks than to be in the spotlight like this.

Host: How long does it take by foot to travel from New York to Metropolis?
Clark: 30 minutes.
Host: How much weight can a 4 year old comfortably lift?
Clark: 700 pounds.
Host: What's the best thing to use to start a fire?
Clark: Your eyes.
Host: What's a best thing to use to remove a stripped screw?
Clark: Your fingernail.
Host: Name a common way for a parent to punish their child?
Clark: Branding.
Host: What color underwear do most men wear?
Clark: Well, yours are pink.
Host: That was a laundry accident!

"Supe-pena"

A man showed up at the Kent Farm and knocked on the door. Clark answered. The man handed Clark a document and said, "Mr. Clark Kent, you have been served." Clark said, "What's this about?" The man answered, "You have been seen in Metropolis with a certain symbol on your chest. You are being sued by "Under-roos" for trademark infringement."

"The Lana Ocean"

Five year olds Clark and Pete were heading out the back door of the Kent farm house. Each had a sand box shovel. Martha asked Clark where they were going. "Pete an me gonna dig a hole to see China people, Mom!" answered Clark. Martha, half listening said, "OK, but if you don't bring me back Chinese food, don't worry. I'll cook you both some tatter tots." About 12 minutes later there was a knock on the kitchen door. Martha let Pete in. He was filthy. "May I have a cookie, Clark's mom Mrs. Kent please?" Pete asked with a big smile. "Sure honey, where it Clark." "He's diggin. Got too deep for me. Clark boosted me out of the hole. Called me a quitter. That's OK. I'm a quitter with a cookie." Martha said, "Here's 2 cookies. I'll be back after I check on Clark." As she left the back door, she bumped into Jon. Jon asked, "Was there a truck here with a well digging rig?" "No, why?" "Someone started digging a well out back of the barn. We need one, but I didn't call anyone to dig one." "Jon, I think it's Clark." Together, they ran out behind the barn. They waded through the dirt and looked down the hole to see a flood of water rushing towards them. "Clark!" screamed Martha. Just then, Clark popped his head up out of the water and jumped out of the hole with a battered sand box shovel still clutched in his hand. Martha grabbed her muddy, dripping wet son and hugged him tight. "Mom, I missed China but I think I hit the Lana Ocean."

"Frosty"

Jonathan stepped outside in his bathrobe. It certainly hadn't warmed up overnight, but there didn't seem to be any sign of the heavy snowfall that was there the day before. And he had promised to help his 5 year old son to build a snow fort sometime today. He poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down to watch the farm report on TV.

TV newsperson: "Smallville just keeps getting stranger and stranger. Our news crews have just arrived in Smallville but here is some earlier footage shot from a few miles outside of Smallville. It may look like a normal snowman, but if you look closely, you can see a tractor -- not a toy tractor but a full size tractor, near the base of the snowman which is an estimated 12 stories high ...."

"CLARK!!!!"

"The Lead-Tipped Shoes"

Pete walked into the shoe repair shop to pick-up his shoes. "I have your shoes right ahere Mr. Ross. That will be $50.00."

Pete: "It gets more expensive every time."

Old Tom answered, "Well, tell me what I want to know and I'll let you have your shoes for nothing this time. Just tell me why you have me line the toes of all your shoes with lead foil. Fifteen years I've asked and fifteen years you've refused to tell me."

"Here's your $50.00," said Pete and then he went on his way.

Years before:

Clark was just getting the hang of investigative reporting. He was trying to make a name for himself. But this job called for help from his old friend, Pete. He had found that Lionel Luthor was conducting experiments using Kryptonite as a power source. The unstable properties of Kryptonite made it's use strictly controlled and Lionel's right to use the material in any way had been suspended long ago. Clark had gotten word that a prototype power cell had been built in a remote nature preserve. He had brought Pete along in case he needed someone to investigate a little closer than Clark was able to. They were holed up in a shelter Clark had thrown together. A blizzard that had moved in, but Clark heated rocks in the shelter with his heat vision which radiated more than enough heat to keep Pete comfortable. Then the unexpected happened. The cooling lines to the power cell froze up and the power cell exploded, A cloud of Kryptonite dust blanketed the area for miles in every direction. Pete got an unconscious Clark to the truck, but the engine wouldn't start. It was getting colder. Pete would be able to survive in the shelter until help arrived, but Clark might not. So Pete hoisted Clark over his back and began to walk out.

When Clark woke up at the Kent farm in Smallville. He asked what had happened. Martha told him that the police had brought him home after Pete had been found by park rangers while carrying Clark out of the wildlife preserve. Later that day, Pete called. After telling Clark that he had better shed a few pounds before their next outing, he told Clark that he had carried him about 100 yards when rangers investigating the explosion had rescued them. He promised to visit Clark in a couple weeks when he got finished with some personal business. He hung up the phone and then began flirting with his nurse.

A couple weeks later, Pete walked into the Talon to see Clark sitting there. Clark said, "What's with the limp Pete?"

Pete answered, "Just breaking in a new pair of shoes."

Clark looked down and commented, "Not exactly stylish. What are they, steel-toed? Hmmm. Must be some lead content in them too."

"Really? That's bizarre. But I really do like this style. And once I find something I like I stick with it."

"You're not keeping something hidden from me in your shoe, are you? Kryptonite perhaps?" chuckled Clark.

"Now Clark," chided Pete, "we wouldn't keep anything from each other, would we? Nothing of any real importance anyway." Pete knew that he must never let Clark know about the surgery. Clark would never forgive himself. It was a very long, cold walk that day, but the world needed its Superman more than he needed a few toes.

"The Man of Steel: An Else World Story"


The quakes had begun. Krypton was doomed. Jor-El, Lara and their teenaged son, Kal-El rushed home to board their spaceship that would take them to Earth in the system Sol. To their horror, the spaceship was gone. Lara was fighting back the panic, but Jor-El took a deep breathe and came up with an idea. “My grandfather launched about 500 probes to study the universe. Each had an advanced artificial brain and a mechanical system capable of collecting and manipulating genetic samples. I can transfer our consciousness and life experience to 3 probes in the closest proximity to Sol. We can meet on Earth and grow new bodies for ourselves.” Jor-El ran to a consol in his lab and had a hurried conversation with it. He returned and told them, “I have located the signature of 3 active probes in close proximity to Earth: one in the Sol system, one in Zeta Reticuli and one in Alpha Centauri. Kal, we will join you on Earth in about 20 years. Until then maintain a low profile. Now then, we must hurry. We have much to do.

On Earth, Lex is playing chess with Luthor Corp’s latest creation. Lionel rushes in and tells Lex, “Son, that is no toy you are playing with. It’s a one of a kind prototype – stronger and faster than any man and practically indestructible.

Lex: “It … he … is truly amazing. Surely our scientists and engineers couldn’t have built anything this advanced!”

Lionel: “You underestimate ….”

Lex: “Cut the bull. I can tell you are dying to share this with me.”

Lionel: “OK Lex, but I tell you this is in strictest confidence. The packaging is ours. I made it in an image I chose. But the technology, brain and materials were lifted from an existing machine.”

Lex: “Existing? Who would have technology so advanced?”

Lionel: “Let me just say that the military couldn’t figure out what to do with it so they let me have a try at it. Two words – Roswell Crash!”

Lex: [Snickering] Good one, Dad. Next time, just say you can’t tell me and ….

Both Lionel and Lex almost jumped out of their skins when the robot suddenly stood up and started speaking at them in a strange alien language.

"The Aquarium"

The Metropolis Aquarium had a single female Octopus. It had gotten bloated and was showing signs of being pregnant. The pregnancy test came back negative. They felt they needed to operate to remove the growth. When they cut an incision in the octopus, a little baby girl flew out, grabbed a pink towel and sat down in front of a mirror adjusting the towel about herself and making kissy faces at herself in the mirror with he puffy little lips. The director of the Aquarium turned to his -assistant and said, do you think this would have anything to do with those 2 kids we caught skinny dipping here last year?

"Bloodsucker" Short, Short Halloween Fic

It was Vlad's favorite night of the year. The smell of blood was in the air. All the little kiddies would soon be at the door of his castle for their trick and his treat. Yummy! Young blood! He loved the look of horror on their little faces. The doorbell rang. Vlad ran to answer it. Strangely, it was a man in a grey suit holding a briefcase. There were no kids in sight. "Is this your castle?" asked the man. "Yes," answered Vlad. "Are you Vlad I.M. Paler?" asked the man. "Yes, I am!" The man grinned widely and said, "Well, I'm Mr. Fforde with the Eternal Revenue Service. It seems you haven't paid any taxes in 142 years!" Vlad screamed and fainted.

"Spoiler"

Having returned from Lex's mansion, Clark and his friends sat around the Christmas tree at the Kent Farm opening presents. Everyone was very polite as they looked at the sweaters Martha had knitted for them. Lana got the top that Martha had knitted for the baby.

Jonathan asked Pete what Lex had given him. Pete told him that he was given the truck parked outside. Jon asked the other what they got. Lana said, "The Talon." Chloe said, "Lex gave me the world -- actually, the planet -- the Daily Planet." Jon asked Clark, "So son, I suppose he gave you another vehicle again too. That Lex will spoil you kids!" Clark answered, "No, Dad. he didn't give me a vehicle." Jon said, "Well, what then?" Clark answered, "Well Dad, you know that I like t-shirts with corporate logos on them and that I really liked Disney, so I asked Lex to give me a Mickey Mouse outfit. So Lex gave me the deed to this farm."

"Jack the Ripper in Smallville" A short Holloween FanFic.

The rumors were true. The Ripper is here -- right here in Smallville. And I, Clark Kent, would put an end to his reign of terror. The Sheriff was either too incompetent to handle this, or as I suspect, has a secret distain for those who are the victims of this horrific series of crimes. He appears suddenly each year and, wearing a costume that prevents him from being identified later, steps out of the shadows and slashes quickly and precisely. Again and again he strikes and then disappears with his "trophies" not to be seen again for yet another year. I have heard that after he has done what he came to do, he steals as many kisses from his victims as he can before making his get-away. This year, it will end! A SCREAM! I have been lost in my thoughts. In a second I will be there. NO! I'm too late. The evidence of his crime lays before me spread across the entire width of the alley. I may be 15, but I'm still not so old and jaded that I don't find the sight deeply upsetting. What a waste! That such a treasure be scattered in pieces ... Another scream! Again, I'm too late. A circle of children gather about the crime scene disturbing the evidence. I scan the city now. Alert. Waiting. I see a sudden move. I run. I see the knife swing -- separating the "What?" from the "Mart." A young girl sobs. The perpetrator grabs a kiss and then another. He lifts his head and runs into me. His butter knife falls to the sidewalk. In his pillowcase, I see his ill-gotten gains. My X-ray vision accidentally shifts into heat mode due to the intense emotions brought on by the capture. The now-liquid chocolate from the Hershey kisses flows from collapsing foil wrappers. I remove the Ripper's mask. It's Jack Small -- Lana's half-brother. Twelve years old. A precocious child -- he must have begun his crime-spree at age 6. I lift him with one hand and tuck him under my arm as he kicks and flails in protest. His father is a decent sort. I hate to be the one to tell him that his son is the infamous Ripper of Smallville. But such is the responsibility that comes with having the powers I have.

"Smallville: Aftermath"

Clark: When are you going to do your social studies homework, Pete?

Pete: During 7th period study hall -- after math.

The Girl With the Big "S"

The spaceship opens. A beautiful blonde goddess emerges in a red, blue and yellow outfit with a short short mini skirt and a flowing red cape. Her body is flooded with the energy from the brilliant yellow sun. Her recouperatve powers are enhanced. Her DNA reinforces itself. A long shadow pushes across the ground as her button nose grows to it's intended length. The nose job she got on her 15th birthday back in Argo City has come undone. From now until her dying day, anyone who sees her in that costume will -assume the "S" on her uniform stands for "SchnozGirl."

Krypto -- The Movie.

There were "Smallville" story ideas involving Krypto being a human hunk but still having a dog's social skills. One of the ruff, ruff drafts had a scene at a fire hydrant outside the Talon that I can't describe here without being edited. Krypto would have met the SkinWalker's sister ....  But all plans for having Krypto on “Smallville” ended when it was announced that a new, epic Krypto movie Trilogy would be made. The following is a summary of a stolen copy of the preliminary script:

Krypton didn't explode, but Krypto's mother nudged him aboard an experimental rocket. Earlier she had tampering with the controls of that rocket and placing inside it a Pring-Els can (containing a cape that would give Krypto super powers when he wears it). This was to fulfill an ancient prophecy about a dog savior born to the house of El. The mother was captured by the evil dog seeking to kill Krypto. Thousands of dogs are dispatched in rockets to every corner of the universe to track down Krypto and kill him so prophesy will not be fulfilled. Later on earth, Krypto as a pup puts on the oversized cape and flies around. Flashback. Krypto's Mom had visited earth and sniffed out the Kent Farm and chose this as Krypto's future home. Now an adult (age 4), Krypto is sought by a bald hound dog seeking extraterrestrial canines. He is trapped in a warehouse by the hound while trying to rescue a nosey poodle. A lead shield is lowered and a ball of Kryptonite is thrown out as a human voice yells "Fetch -- Good Boyie." Obediently, Krypto fetches and begins to die of radiation poisoning. A dog cackles in the background "Now I kill you like I killed that .bitch mother of yours. Once dead, Krypto meets his mother's ghost who convinces him to go back and fulfill his destiny and the prophesy. He does so and confronts the bald dog. Suddenly, the bald dog floats into the air and Krypto realizes that this dog is also from Krypton! A deadly battle ensues destroying most of the world.


Who to play Krypto? That dog from Frasier? Maybe an unknown? No, the producers want a big name dog. Does Rin Tin Tin have any descendants? What, Tyrrath? The director quit and the special effects team was disbanded? Maybe they should make "Krypto Versus Bat-Mite" instead -- right after they finish "Bat-Mite: Year One." Don't worry folks, this project isn't dead yet.

This next one is based in part on my version of Superman that I created 26 years ago.

"Sybiote: A "Dave's World" Story"

"Mother, I am lonely," said Clark to the computer-generated image of Lara in the cave. "I have loved and forced myself to stop because human women are too fragile to be my life mate." Lara answered, "Have patience, my Son, when you have chosen the one, she will be as you are." Clark was startled, "How can that be?" Lara, "In time, you will know our history, but for now, just let me say that the people of Earth and Krypton share a common ancestry. Another human may become one with our race and become as we are. I see you are puzzled. At one point in our history, a group was singled out to be the protectors of Krypton. At that time we had a yellow sun. Our scientists found a race of creatures composed of energy. They process solar energy and feed upon it. When their energy levels are high enough, they have acute senses and are practically indestructible. The beings had no real intellect and simply existed without seeking experience or adventure. Our scientist found a way to get these creatures to bond with our species to the benefit of us both. The creatures reproduce when the host reproduces endowing the offspring with a creature that is part of itself. So it has been for generations." Clark asked, "But how would an Earthwoman who isn't descended from a Kryptonian host have a creature bonded to her?" Lara answered, "You at one point have had your symbiote leave you to reside in an Earth male." Clark answered, "Is that what happened? I was left without my powers." Lara continued, "When you are 25 years old, your symbiote will be able to reproduce by dividing itself. The symbiote will sense your commitment and your bond to the Earth woman you choose. It will send forth a part of itself to inhabit her. But you must be very careful. When this happens, your powers will fade for a time. It may take a year for you to regain your full strength and several years for you life partner to become as you are." A weight was lifted from Clark's heart. He knew now that he didn't have to be alone forever.

[At one point I had an outline of Krypton's history going back about 10,000 years. The Kryptonian's with symbiotes became less altruistic in time and took over their world as its "Master Race." (Absolute power corrupting absolutely.) They were overthrown after a technological experiment gone wrong caused their sun to shift to red. As a descendant and member of that race, Jor-El was not trusted, so his reports that Krypton would explode were viewed suspiciously -- as an attempt to have technologies placed under his control that he could use to seize power.

Oh well. DC Comics let John Byrne do the re-vamp but some of the story is still with me.]

"Hell's Kitchen"

Lionel Luthor storms into the kitchen and shouts at the head cook, "Lex, the roast beef is burnt! The creamed corn is burnt! Heaven, even the soup is burnt!" Lex turns to him and shouts back, "Well what do you expect? It's 450 degrees in the refrigerator!"

Hell's Kitchen Revisited

Lionel ran back into the kitchen, "Lex, what is this that you served for desert?"
Lex answered, "It's Baked Alaska." Lionel scowled at him and said, "It most definately is NOT. It must be Baked Manitoba because that speck there is Fforde! You know that Fforde would give the boss indigestion!"

"Upsy Daisy"

"Dad, I think we're having solar flares again," said a despondent Clark as he sat himself down at the kitchen table. "How can you tell?" asked Jonathan. "Well, the tractor got stuck in the mud, so I gave it a little lift," answered Clark. "NOT AGAIN!" said a disgusted Jonathan, "I just got the insurance check for the last one. Weren't you supposed to be showing my cousin around the farm? She didn't she what happened to the tractor, did she?" Clark buried his face in his hands, "That's how the tractor got stuck. I was letting her drive it around."

"Bo Didley"

Martha came out of the bathroom disgusted, "Who missed the toilet bowl this time!"

"Hawg Tied"

Sheriff Nancy Adams was disgusted. The race must have been fixed! She had trained hard for the annual "Law Enforcer's Marathon" but she finished the race at exactly the same time as the Sheriff from Hazard County.

"Kent Rider"

Clark watched his Dad pulling parts from a sleek black car that he had bought at auction and putting them into a beat up old car that Jon had owned for years. Clark asked, "It doesn't make sense to salvage a beautiful sleek car to repair an old junker. What could possibly make that worthwhile?" Jon answered. "That's true. General-Lee speaking."

"TooMulchous"

Jonathan looked up from the dinner table and said to Martha, "Is a storm rolling in. It seems to be getting pretty dark." One hour earlier, Little Clarkie had started whittling a stick with his pocket knife. Martha saw the wood chips piling up on the porch and asked Clark to help her by putting the wood chips in her flower beds around the house when he was through whittling.

"The Birthday Lesson"

The real reason why Clark doesn't have a birthday party was because Clark's first birthday with the Kents didn't go as planned. Martha made Clark a 3-layer chocolate cake frosted with marshmallow topping and put 4 candles on it. They explained the tradition about the birthday candles and making a wish. Jonathan learned that day to never sit across the table from Clark after Clark made his wish. The surgeon who removed the candles from a sticky Jonathan Kent never got an explanation that satisfied him.

"Rain Forrest Rain"

Clark sat by Crater Lake. He took no notice of the explosion nearby. He had heard that the forest rangers would be blasting to make a irrigation ditch to feed an area where new trees would be planted. What he didn't know was that the explosion had pulverized a meteor rock. Soon Kryptonite particles were floating in the air. Soon Clark felt a feeling he had never known before. Totally unprepared, he sneezed. When he looked up, the water level of Crater Lake had dropped considerably.

On a road a mile or so away, a slow-witted man was jogging cross-country with a group that followed him. Suddenly they were hit with the water from Crater Lake and knocked to the side of the road. The man turned to one of his followers and said, "What was that?" The other replied, "Rain, Forrest, rain."

"My Dog Ate It"

The teacher looked at Clark and asked, "So where is your project. It is due today, you know." "I'm sorry, Sir," Clark answered despondently, "My dog ate it." "Son," answered the teacher, "that excuse won't wash with me. This is SHOP class. I only let you take that miniature canon home to work on because you wanted to use your Dad's welding equipment."

At home, "Krypto burped contentedly."

"Not Permitted"

Brainiac entered the Talon with his energy weapon drawn. Lana stopped him at the door. "You can't come in here!" scolded Lana. Brainiac coldly replied, "But I sense the one who will be Superman has entered this establishment. I must terminate him before he steals Kandor!" Lana put on her sternest face and said, "Well you'll have to get you tin Kan out the Door because we don't allow side arms in here!" "Very well," said Brainiac as he turned an left. An hour later, Lana saw Brainiac's green face passing the front windows of the Talon as he was heading for the front door. She ran to head him off. She saw the door open and the muzzle of the gun as Brainiac started to come in. She started to tell him to leave but when she got a good look at him, she fainted. Brainiac's arms were now attached to his chest.

"Coming Prepared"

Lana was at the mansion talking to Lex when the phone rang. He apologized to Lana saying he had to go into Metropolis but that she should stay and enjoy herself. After he left, she called Clark and asked him if he wanted to come over and spend time with her at the mansion. He asked what they could do. She said they could swim in the pool. He said that his Mom had thrown out his old swimming suit and he hadn't gotten a new one yet. She said, "Oops, I forgot. I don't have one either. Well, we won't need swim suits. Just come over and meet me at the pool ... Clark?" She cut off her words because she had been disconnected. In a short period of time, she heard Clark calling for her. She answered, "I'm in here! How did you get here so quickly? We got cut off. I was saying, that you should meet me by the pool table. I've already racked up the .... CLARK! Well, I see you brought your stick!"

"Onward the Millions"

The "Smallville Bored And Beautiful Club" spied it's next target. There was that hunk Clark Kent in the corner of the pool. Rumor was that he and Lana Lang were no longer an item. Vera B., Tyra and Shhery M. were the first of many to bob over to his corner of the pool and surround him. All his powers were of no use. He was confused as to whether he even wanted to escape. Before long a familiar face pushed through. Lana grabbed him fiercely and gave him a kiss more passionately than she ever had before. Having marked Clark as her own, the others looked around for someone else and dispersed. Soon Clark limped out of the pool and headed for the showers. The cold water wasn't having the desired effect. He was dizzy, disoriented. Then something happened and he came fully alert. A beet red Clark left the shower and dressed.

Down the pipeline they swam. Seeking something to make them complete. They were powerful, nearly indestructable and somewhat adaptable. They would find what they sought or alter something similar to suit their sole purpose. They got a clensing bath a the Smallville treatment center. After a short vacation, they returned to their mission fanning out through the man-made waterways of Smallvile.

The women of Smallville knew that cleanliness was next to Godliness. In bath tubs across Smallville, the little soldiers found what they were looking for. Lesser beings may require millions to do the job, but only one of these tiny guys was required to accomplish its mission. Up, up and away. Soon drugstores were selling out of maternity tests. The female school counselors were besieged by teenage girls swearing that they were virtuous but afraid that their parents wouldn't believe them. The counselors had reasons of their own to believe what they were told. The sheriff was oddly withdrawn and quiet and Martha was praising the Lord for another miracle. Smallville braced itself for a population explosion like no town had ever seen.

“Nowhere Man 1956”

He’s a real Nowhere Man

Sitting here in Smallville land

Writing all his fan fictions

For Shhmommy.

Has a crazy point of view

Knows his time is almost through

Isn’t he a bit like you and me.

Nowhere Man, please listen,

We don’t know why you’re posting

Nowhere Man, your stories

Are not In demand.

He’s as blind as he can be,

Can’t read what he wants to read.

He can’t read white on blue at all.

Has a crazy point of view

Knows his time is almost through

Isn’t he a bit like you and me.

Nowhere Man, don’t worry,

It will pass in a hurry.

It’s a shame that all your dreams

Were built on the sand.

Has a crazy point of view

Knows his time is almost through

Isn’t he a bit like you and me.

“Getting Away With It”

Let me give you a piece of advice.  If you want to get away with murder, commit the act in a small town.  They like to resolve that kind of thing quick.  They grab the first person they see and convince themselves that the person is guilty despite whatever contradictory evidence they find.  The sooner they can get back to their quiet little lives the better.

I first saw Louise when I was an exchange student from Ireland.  Louise may have seemed like a good girl, but she would sleep with anyone who promised her a way out of Smallville.  Dublin seemed about as far away as she could get, so she targeted me.  She used every one of her considerable means of persuasion to get me to promise to take her back to Ireland with me after graduation.  It wasn’t an empty promise either.  I wanted this woman like I had no other.  Graduation came and I headed back to Ireland to get a home ready for us.  We corresponded for a while and then her letters stopped.  I heard she had gotten married.  I worked hard and made a life that she would want to share because I was going back for her.

After I got back into town, I was about to approach her but I saw that she had found someone else -- some stranger in town who was probably filling her head with stories of far-away places.  I would deal with him.  I waited in the barn for them.  Knowing her, I knew that this is where she would bring him to seal whatever deal she was making with him.  I was about to step out of the shadows and kill the stranger, but another man came in and began shooting him.  For whatever reason, the bullets had no effect.  I knew what would happen.  My bullets wouldn’t work on him.  He would have her.  I couldn’t let that happen.  I shot her.  She died, the stranger ran out, the husband ran in and the sheriff came in and arrested the poor sap.  Of course, he was quickly convicted.  I went back to Ireland.  I figure the stranger went back to wherever he came from and had children.  Had he married Louise, those children wouldn’t have been born.  I may have taken a life that day, but I figure that there are other people who owe their lives to what I did that day.  Yes, they owe their lives to me – Rick O’Shay.

Despite what people say, the episode "Re-Lick" or "1969" was TOTALLY original. Unfortuneately the story was at first intended as a 2-parter so it was editted down a bit. I am pleased to be able to present to you here the last few minutes of the show as it was written.

"Re-Lick" Last Scene "Return to Krypton"

Jor-El told the man on the phone something profane in Kryptonese and stepped out of the phone booth in the cave. He heard footsteps approaching. It was the friends that were to meet his for his journey home. Corporal P-Neil and his alien friend Teal'D came up and created Jor-El. "Live long and prosper," said Jor-El. "May the force be with you," answered Teal'D. "Nan-new, Nan-new," said P-Neil. Jor-El enquired of Teal'D's health because his silver forehead medalion was duller that he had ever seen it. Teal'D told Jor-El that a wicked woman had taken his symbiote, put it in the basket of her bicycle and pedaled off into a tornado. He said that the bicycle had seemed to become a broom. Jor-El said they had almost missed their leap and slide through the jump gate. When they walked in, he was about to call them on his shoe phone. Any later and they wouldn't have been able to meet with Boss Lee and get their call from Charles Lee. Well, the important thing was that they were there now and it was time to go, so Jor-El walked around the cave pushing 7 of the symbols on the wall. Once the car tushes were locked in the three men entered a phone booth and dialled 1-976-collect whereupon the floor diasppeared. They fell into the iris of the one-way black hole vortex that looked like a pool of water just as the sniper who called to tell Jor-El not to leave through the phone booth got off a shot through the glass panel.

“Falling Back”

Seth wasn’t like the other 7^th graders in Smallville Middle School.  That fact made him the target of every bully on the playground.  But he had someone who came to his defense – someone who protected him.  Maybe Clark Kent understood as he did the agony of being different than everybody else.  He had become quite infatuated with Clark.  He wanted to know if Clark felt the same but was scared to lose a friend and protector by asking.  He noticed that Clark often stood and stared his way while he talked with his best friend Lana.  He had a feeling that Clark liked Lana, but maybe Clark liked him too.  Finally, he got the nerve to ask.  His heart pumped so loudly that he couldn’t hear his own words as he spoke.  As soon as he said the words, all color left Clark’s face.  So he asked, “You don’t, do you?”   Clark finally said quietly, “How do you know my secret?”  Then Clark quickly left the playground and went to see the school nurse.  Jonathan picked up Clark and took him home.  When Jon asked why Clark told the nurse that he was sick, Clark hung his head low and told his father, “Seth Williams knows my secret.”

Years before on Krypton, Jor-El was working in the simulation chamber with his toddler Kal-El.  He was working with his son to train him to live on Earth. It wasn’t as much about training Kal to survive on Earth as training Kal so that Earth could survive his presence there.   He had to learn to live in a very fragile world.    Jor-El had to teach Clark not to hug humans too tightly and how to handle delicate objects like doorknobs.  As a break from the often traumatic lessons, Jor-El showed Kal many of the sites on planet Earth.  One day, Jor-El was showing Kal the Grand Canyon when Lara called him away for a while.  Fearless little Kal walked the edge of the canyon.  He looked down and felt like he was king of all he could see.  But Kal got distracted, his foot slipped and he fell backwards into the canyon.  Faster and faster he fell.  He was quickly in a full blown panic.  He landed on his back with a heavy thud as the simulation automatically shut down.  Jor-El returned to find his son sobbing uncontrollably.

It was a day Jonathan and Martha had dreamed about.  They were taking their child to the playground.  Clark had not yet mastered the language, but he managed to communicate just fine.  Once they were sure Clark was doing well on his own, Jonathan and Martha sat on a bench and just watched Clark play.  After a while he just stopped and watched the kids on the swing set.  He saw a father pushing his son higher and higher.  When they left, Clark ran and fetched Jon and led him the short distance back to the swings.  Jon lifted Clark to the seat and gave him some quick instructions -- most importantly, he told Clark to hang on tight to the support chains.  As Martha watched, Jon pulled Clark way, way back until he had Clark held high over his head.  After warning Clark that he was about to let go, he released Clark and gave him a big push.  Martha saw the expression of joy on Clark’s face as he swung forward, but then she watched as if in slow motion as he started to swing back.  A look of sheer panic came onto Clark’s face.  He clamped shut his eyes and scrunched up his face and hung on for dear life.  And the swing stopped.  Clark was suspended in the swing as if time had frozen.  The swing was just slightly back from the full height it had reached.  By power of Clark’s will, he refused to swing back and the laws of physics bent to that powerful will in that little body.  Martha and Jonathan ran to Clark.  They could not pry his fingers from the chains.  Martha talked reassuringly to him at Jon, pretending to be supporting Clark, looked around frantically to see if anyone was watching.  After a few minutes of gentle coaxing, Clark leaned forward and hopped into his mother’s arms and they all went home.

Seth got his nerve and carefully asked Clark his question, “You don’t swing both ways, do you?”  When the color left Clark’s face, Seth asked again, “You don’t, do you?”  Seth hoped that Clark would say that, yes, he did indeed swing both ways.  But Clark gave him a different answer that said it all. Clark quietly asked, “How do you know my secret?”  As Clark left, Seth Williams was the happiest he had ever been.  He wasn’t alone and he had a chance to be more than friends with the object of his affections.

"The Egg"  [Same World Version]

Clark, dressed in leather, uncovered Jonathan’s motorcycle in the barn. He felt he must end this pain he was feeling. He opened a little box containing a red ring and looked into the glow. This would do it. This would end the pain. He reached for the ring, but then snapped the box shut and pocketed the box. He decided he could face his pain somehow. Just then he heard a little sound behind him and turned to see a chicken and some baby chicks. Clark’s jaw dropped. He felt a stabbing pain to his gut and he cringed his face trying to pull back the tears. “The egg,” he cried, “the EGG!”

Suddenly Clark was back in time. A 12 year old Clark with a wide grin on his face strode confidently into the barn as Jonathan worked on the tractor.

Jon: My, you are certainly are full your oats this morning. What’s up?

Clark: You know, Dad, soon I’ll be able to do anything! Look at this.

Clark picked up a large stone that was propped against the barn door and crushed it in his bare hands. Clark then looked at his Dad beaming. Jonathan looked at his son and the pile of dust and gravel that had been a stone. He took a deep breath and considered the situation for a few seconds before he said anything.

Jon: Clark, could you do a couple things for me?

Clark: Sure!

Jon: Get me one of the eggs from the incubator over there.

Clark was back in an instant.

Clark: Now what?

Jon: Can you crush that like you did the rock?

Clark: You’re kidding right? Anybody could do that!

Jon just stared at him. Clark shrugged his shoulders and crushed the egg.

Jon: Now put it back together.

Clark stared at his Dad with a puzzled look and then at the goo in his hand.

Jon: That would have been a baby chick. Son, you have to learn that not everything you do can be undone. We all have our limitations -- even you. It is dangerous to believe otherwise.

In the present, the full force of Clark’s pain returned. He patted the pocket that held the red ring and pushed the motorcycle out of the barn.

"The Egg"  [Else World Version]

A 12 year old Clark with a wide grin on his face strode confidently into the barn as Jonathan worked on the tractor.

Jon: My, you are certainly are full your oats this morning. What’s up?

Clark: You know, Dad, soon I’ll be able to do anything! Look at this.

Clark picked up a large stone that was propped against the barn door and crushed it in his bare hands. Clark then looked at his Dad beaming. Jonathan looked at his son and the pile of dust and gravel that had been a stone. He took a deep breath and considered the situation for a few seconds before he said anything.

Jon: Clark, could you do a couple things for me?

Clark: Sure!

Jon: Get me one of the eggs from the incubator over there.

Clark was back in an instant.

Clark: Now what?

Jon: Can you crush that like you did the rock?

Clark: You’re kidding right? Anybody could do that!

Jon just stared at him. Clark shrugged his shoulders and crushed the egg.

Jon: Now put it back together.

Clark stared at his Dad with a puzzled look and then at the goo in his hand.

Jon: That would have been a baby chick. Son, you have to learn that not everything you do can be undone. We all have our limitations -- even you. It is dangerous to believe otherwise.

Clark thought about what his Dad had said for a moment and then looked again at the mess in his hand.  He focused his eyes and concentrated like he never had before.  Soon, the yoke flowed into a puddle in the center of his palm and the shell came back together.  The cracks in the egg vanished.  Clark looked up at his Dad and asked, "Should I put this back in the incubator now?"  Jonathan just sat there with his jaw hanging open and a blank expression on his face.

"The Nut Cracker"

Clark showed up at the Sullivan house to pick up Lana and Chloe for a trip to the Christmas concert. The ladies weren't quite ready so Mr. Sullivan asked Clark if he'd mind waiting for the girls in the living room. Mr. Sullivan said there was a large bowl of nuts on the coffee table to munch on while he waited. When the girls got done upstairs, they came down and slid onto the couch, one on each side of Clark. Chloe said, "Oh, Dad didn't refill the bowl of nuts. They are almost all gone." Clark answered, "No, the bowl was full when I sat down a half hour ago." Lana said, "They must be good, let me try some." She pulled forward what looked like a stylized toy soldier from one end of the coffee table, opened its mouth, stuck in a nut and pushed down on a lever on the soldier's back. The soldier's mouth closed on the nut. Clark asked, "Why are you feeding a nut to that toy?" Lana chuckled, "Clark! Stop kidding around. You know I'm just using the nut cracker to remove the shell." Lana took the cracked nut from the soldier's mouth, removed the meat of the nut and ate it. Then she started looking around. "Clark? Where have you been putting the shells?" Clark turned red then said that they had better hurry or they would be late for the concert. He took the shell from Lana's hand and put it in his pocket.

"Short Visit Home"

Clark had finished his chores and was headed out the front door. Jon asked where he was headed. Clark said he thought he'd go into town, visit friends at the talon, maybe catch a bite and a movie. Jon reminded him that he had promised to help paint the barn and that his mother was working on a special dinner for that evening. To his own surprise, Clark found himself shouting at Jon about not being his slave and that he had his own life and a dozen other nasty remarks that came from nowhere. It all ended with him walking out. He took his time and walked to town to shake off whatever it was that came over him before seeing his friends in town. He didn't even look at the tall, suited gentleman standing at the gate to the farm. Didn't notice that there was no sign of a car that the man might have come in. He didn't even question the pile of 5 gallon paint buckets sitting by the gate. Clark just had too much on his mind.

Clark walked into the Talon and looked around for a friendly face. He saw Chloe and gave her the most cheerful hello he could muster. She just walked by him with a dreamy look on her face saying a light and distance "Hi Clark" as she floated past and out the door. Clark walked up to Lana and asked "What's up with Chloe?"

Lana: "Oh, I think she's hopelessly in love this time."
Clark: "Really? Who's the lucky guy."
Lana: "Oh Darn! I know I asked a few times. But he was slick. He always knew how to turn the conversation without anyone noticing. Chloe thinks the guy is a an Uncle of yours or something. We don't think he could be old enough to be your Father. He looked just like you, just older and more distinguished. He wore horn-rimmed glasses and he dressed in a suit, but he had some of your mannerisms. After 2 minutes with the guy, you would swear you knew him your entire life -- and wish you could know him for the rest of it."
Clark: "Are you sure that it was Chloe who was in love?"
Lana: "Oh, it was Chloe, definitely. He told stories about travelling the world and you could see Chloe living it as he spoke. He was some story teller. But there was something else there too. I could tell he was deeply sad about something. It was just there under the surface."
Clark: "You are joking about this aren't you. He couldn't have looked that much like me."
Lana: "You want to look in my trash can and see the cups I broke when I got my first good look at the guy. I thought you were pulling some stupid prank or something. It was either a relative of yours or Tina Greer is back from the dead."
Clark: "This is kind of spooky. I guess I'd better see if I can find him and see if he's here looking for me for some reason. I had hoped to spend some time with you tonight."
Lana: "Well, I didn't expect to see you at all today seeing how it's your parent's twentieth wedding anniversary."
Clark: "Oh, NO!"
Lana: "Don't tell me you forgot!"
Clark: "It's worse than you think, Lana. I'll see you later."

In a few seconds, Clark was at the gate of his house. Now he had to stop and think about how to apologize. He stood there looking without seeing. He was lost in his thoughts for a while until reality started creeping in. Something was wrong. No, "wrong" wasn't the correct term. Something was "right." The farm looked too clean, too neat, too bright. It was like an old tinted photograph. It looked like a fond memory that had been enhanced over time. The barn was painted. The house was painted. The shutters were straight. The fence posts were straight. All the vehicles -- even the farm vehicles were washed and waxed. It looked like the "to do" list for the next 10 years had been wiped out while he was gone. Then he remembered. The man at the gate. Horn-rimmed glasses. Sad look in his eye as he looked at the farm. The paint buckets that were full -- now empty and neatly stacked. Clark raced down the drive, across the porch (that now failed to squeak when he stepped on it) and into the house. His parents came at him with tears in their eyes. He was buried in a group hug. He had a million questions but they faded as he found that all that really mattered was that his family was safe and all was right in his world.

On the table was a card that read "From your Son on your 20th Wedding Anniversary." Inside was a handwritten note that said, "When we are young and safe and protected by our family, we often fail to see the love that surrounds and shelters us. Our eyes focus on the world and the future awaiting us. Sometimes we don't take the time to look back at what we had until we have moved far away. I am looking back now and I realize that there is nothing I wouldn't do for you, my parents. I am a willing slave to all that you have taught me. I couldn't love you more. Your son, Clark."

"Their First Special Child"

Martha and Jonathan had adopted a child before Clark appeared in his spaceship. Over time they became aware that this child was different. She had special powers. In some ways, she helped prepare them for their task ahead.

Jon: "Candyce, I think you had better clean the out of the horse stalls. It's your job and it's long overdue."
Candyce: "Clean the what, Papa?
Jon: "The . Clean the out of the stalls."
Candyce: "I will do anything you ask Papa, but you have to make me understand what you want."
Jon: "Well, I don't know why I can't have you clean the out of the horse stalls, but at least you can the dishes after dinner."
Candyce: "Do what with the dishes?"
Jon:"the dishes then "
Candyce: "I don't understand."
Jon: "Well, get the vacuum cleaner and with it."
Candyce: "What?"
Jon: "Nevermind. Just your homework."
Candyce: "Can I watch TV?"
Jon: "Yes, after you watch TV."
Candyce: "Great! Oh. Do I get an allowance?"
Jon: "Yes, you get $500.00 a week. Wait. I didn't say that!"
Candyce: "What did you say?"
Jon: "I said that you get $50,000.00 and the keys to my truck."

Candyce hopped up from watching TV, said "Thanks Papa," took the truck keys, drove to the bank and then disappeared never to be seen again ... although it is rumored that she eventually harnessed her powers for good. Hey wait a minute! I didn't say that! Oh yes I did.

“Half Life”

Clark sat in the office of “The Torch” staring at the “Wall of Weird.” He was looking at one article in particular. It was about three months old and entitled “Seth Williams: The Boy with the Olden Touch.” As Clark stared, tears formed in his eyes. Those tears suddenly turned to steam and the article Clark was staring at burst into flame. Pete jumped up and put the fire out shouting, “Clark! Get a grip man!” A startled Clark answered, “Sorry, you’re right, Pete. I’d better go somewhere else if I’m not sure that I’m in control.” Pete shook himself and said, “I’m sorry Clark. I shouldn’t have jumped on you like that. I was just startled.” As he left Clark quietly answered, “I know Pete. But I need to be alone for a little while anyway."

Clark left the High School building and stopped at the Elementary School playground. He sat on a swing and rocked and thought about Seth. Had he been the kind of friend to Seth that he should have been? People who are different can make you feel nervous – even if you are different yourself – so different that you are alien – literally. Clark had always been somewhat naïve. He had found out late that Seth was gay and even later what that meant. He didn’t want to stop being friends with Seth just because he was gay, but when he found out that Seth had feelings for him, well .... Having a philosophy about the way you want to treat other people and the reality of how comfortable you feel around them are often two different things. “Oh, Seth, I hope I never hurt you.”

Clark had seen how Seth’s dad had treated him. Mr. Williams was a linebacker in college and expected his son to follow in his footsteps. He couldn’t hide his disappointment when his son turned out to be a science geek who either had his nose in a book or his head in the clouds. When he found out that his son was gay, he went to extraordinary measures. He bought a “cure” from a friend of his – a Mr. Brooks. He force fed this green elixir to his son night and day. Seth hated it and often went to his mother for comfort and reassurance. There seemed to be no effect on Seth. But Seth’s mother who had always looked in her 20s rather than her true age of 36 was now looking like Seth’s great grandmother. Chloe noticed this and that Seth’s school books looked old despite the excessive care he took with everything. She arranged a visit to his home and found that everything in his bedroom was falling apart from age. Seth told Chloe about the green medicine he was expected to take and she put it all together in her article about the “Boy with the Olden Touch.” Soon after that, Seth’s mother died of old age and his father left town. In a show of uncommon charity, Mr. Brooks took him in. Seth dropped out of school and began to clerk for Mr. Brooks in the store he bought from the Greer estate. On the rare occasions Seth was seen outside the store he wore heavy clothes and thick rubber gloves.

Chloe got suspicious of the connection between Seth’s abilities and the source of Mr. Brown’s antiques. Clark didn’t care about that. He cared that Seth had now totally dropped out of sight. When Clark asked Mr. Brooks about Seth, he said that Seth had gone to live with his father, but Clark had a feeling that that wasn’t true.

One night Clark broke into the antique store for a look around. The store vault was lead lined so Clark couldn’t see inside, but Clark’s developing hearing powers allowed him to hear the sound of a heart beat inside. Clark worked the combination and listened to the tumblers until the door un-locked. He pulled open the door and saw Seth sleeping on a cot inside. Rushing in, Clark stumbled and fell to the floor. Along the wall was a shelf full of refined ingots of Kryptonite that Mr. Brooks used for making his elixir. Before Clark knew what was happening, the vault door swung shut behind him. Seth was asking him what was wrong. Clark told Seth that he was deathly allergic to the green metallic substance on the shelf. If he couldn’t get some distance between him and the green metal or find some way to get the lead lining the vault to shield him, he would die. Seth helped lift Clark onto the cot and explained that the lead was built into the wall of the vault. He also told Clark that he had not been able to find a way out in the days since Mr. Brooks had locked him in there for refusing to artificially age his merchandise. Clark looked up at Seth and could have sworn that Seth was in more pain than he was. Clark knew Seth’s pain came from Seth's empathy for him, so he did what he could to hide his pain. Seth said, “I have an idea but I don’t know if it will work. I’ll try my best. I really will.” With that Seth stacked the ingots on the far corner of the vault floor and sat down with them. He grabbed a couple bars and held them close to himself and rocked with them in his arms. Throughout the night, Clark drifted in and out of consciousness. Every time he opened his eyes, there was Seth holding Kryptonite bars with two piles of bars in front of him. Each time Clark woke, one pile had gotten bigger, one pile had gotten smaller. And every time Clark woke, his pain seemed to subside a little bit but Seth looked more tired and ill. Finally, Clark forced himself fully awake. Now, there was only one pile of grayish metallic bars. They still had a greenish tint to them and Clark felt weaker than normal in their presence, but he was able to make his way to the door and push until the door gave way. Seth was not well at all. Whether it was his efforts at aging the Kryptonite through several half-lives in a single evening or the intense contact with the Kryptonite that had done it, Seth was gravely ill. Clark leaned down to pick up Seth but Seth shouted, “No Clark! Don’t touch me. I love you.” Clark stepped back for an instant then reached down and scooped up Seth and raced him to the hospital, but Seth never said another word. Whether his contact with Seth aged Clark at all, no one could tell, but no one would doubt that Clark matured a little through knowing Seth Williams.

"Listen To Lex Lucifer"

How many days had he been on the island? Lex couldn't say. But he was hungry. He must find something to eat. He was dizzy. He wasn't sure if he could trust what he was seeing but he made his way into the lush forest. He saw some red fuzzy dots hanging from a tree in front of him. He tried to focus. Some kind of fruit. He carefully shimmied up the tree and reached out and plucked the fruit. He polished it and began to take a bite when he heard a woman's voice call out, "Don't eat that! Eat anything else but not that. It's forbidden!" Lex squinted his eyes trying to make out the woman talking at him. Was this some figment from his past? "Nonsense!" he shouted, then took a bite. "This stuff is good for you. Have one. Have several." He began throwing fruit to the woman from his perch in the tree. The woman picked up some and took a bite. "It is good!" she said smiling. "Hey!" added Lex, "The bugs are going to eat you alive. You're naked! Go put some clothes on!" The woman looked at herself and then seemed to realize for the first time that she was naked. She covered herself and ran off into the forest carrying some of the fruit Lex had thrown at her. Lex got down out of the tree. Too dizzy to walk, he crawled back to camp on his belly where he fell asleep saying "Strange dream."

"Moon Child:  An Else World Story"

The journey wasn't well planned.  Kal was put in the spaceship and it was sent on it's way to Earth.  He had a better chance than those he left behind.  But the ship hit an asteroid before reaching Earth and crashed on the Moon.  Due to the presence of sunlight, the baby could live without food, shelter or atmosphere -- if you call that living.  He walked the Moon alone.  He had no guidance, no education, no companionship.  His only friend was the pretty blue ball beyond reach overhead.  At least it was beyond reach today.  Someday, he would find the will to lift his physical body from his world to the next.  What then?  What would the Earth make of this hermit born of Krypton and raised by no one?  And what would this man think of Earth?  What would he do if he didn't like what he found?


[Kind of left you hanging, didn't I?]

"You Rang? An Else World Story"

The rocket Jor-El had built crossed the Pacific Ocean and landed in a small farming community in Japan. The child who had benn its sole passenger was adopted and grew to be strong and intelligent. At age 16, he was selected to be an exchange student and was sent to Smallville, Kansas. At his first day of school, he was enamored of a young, raven-haired woman that he could not take his eyes off of. At first opportunity he approached her and said, "You Rang?" Lana replied, "Pardon me?" He asked again, "Are you Rana Rang, the cheer-reeder?" She answered, "Well, I'm not Rois Rane."

"Repulsive"

Moses Jones manned his booth at the Smallville fair. The fair would have made a lot more money had they hired him to man the kissing booth because Moses has the looks and the charm to pack the ladies in. But the woman in charge wanted Moses for herself, so Moses was put in charge of the Duck Shoot. Still, the ladies lined up to take aim at Moses' booth and profits were good, until the last day of the fair. The boss lady came by to take Moses to lunch and found him in back with a couple of the patrons. In a jealous rage, she picked up a Smallville Globe with the tiny meteor rocks in it and cracked Moses over the head with it.

Moses was rushed to the hospital. They had just finished some repairs on the MRI machine after a mishap during an examination of another employee of the fair. Sure enough, the MRI acted up with Moses inside and bathed him in a green light. Someone pulled the plug on the machine and wheeled Moses to a room for an overnight observation. The nurses were arguing over who would give Moses his sponge bath, but as soon as he would make contact with them, green sparks would fly and they would leave the room looking like they had ****ed a lemon. Soon Moses' dinner arrived. He saw that the juice from his green beans was getting close to his mashed potatoes. How he hated that! He wished that ... and then it happened. The bean juice moved back! So he thought about it and his mashed potatoes and gravy split into two piles.

After getting out of the hospital, Moses went to every dinner in town trying to get a job as a mashed potato separator. No luck. He couldn't think of any way to use his skill to earn a living. His charm with women wasn't working either. So, he had no choice, he had to go back to work for his Uncle renting boats to tourists at Crater Lake. So he walked up to the lake. His uncle's business was on the far side and he was in no mood to walk around, so Moses walked forward towards the lake and the water parted and let him pass. So if you ever want to spend a day of fishing on Crater Lake but you don't have your own boat, just go see Moses at his Uncle's place. You can't miss it. It's a small white building near the docks with a sign that says "Let My People Row."

Story Notes:   Hmmm. I realized I did have violence in "Revulsion" with the globe being broken on Moses's head. Funny how we learn to not even notice violence anymore.

I was thinking of the sequel to "Revulsion" which involves the fight for control of the boat rental business on Crater Lake when a business called "Fair Row" tries to put Moses' uncle out of business. The bridge over the creek next to "Let My People Row" is mysteriously destroyed. Can the business survive if the people don't have the ability to Pass Over the creek to get to Moses's place of business? Maybe we'll find out ... and maybe we won't.

More Story Notes:  I may write the prequel about Moses's experiences with women before the events of "Revulsion." It will only be available by PM. I'm thinking of calling it "Moses and the Burning Bush." There is also the story of Moses trying to meet marketing deadlines just so that his work could sit on someone's desk for months. That one is called "Moses and the Bull Rushes."

When asked about any commandments given to Moses:  Thou shalt return rentals with both oars present.

Thou shalt have no other rentals before us.

Though shalt not covent thy neighbor's rental.

Though shalt not bare false witness about the condition of this rental.




I'm more concerned with him accidentally marrying the wrong woman. I'm going to have to do more research if I do these sequels.

First I am so lazy that I only do short stories. Now I am so lazy, that I only give vague outlines of stories I'll never get around to doing.

“Little S, Big S, Ton and Ton”

Inside every child that is born, there is a pair of twins that are born as well. These twins keep each other company in a dark place. When a child laughs they sometimes get a quick look at the world and can see what’s going on. You see, they have very good sight and can see almost any distance and through almost any object. The problem is that they always look forward and they can’t see through teeth. Because they live at the back of a person’s mouth, they don’t get to see very much at all. So they just talk to each other in hushed tones all day if they can think of anything to say. Mostly they talk about food and toothbrushes and what the dental hygenist looks like. Every one of them throughout the world has the same name. They don’t really need names since they only talk to each other. But all of them are named “Ton” which is pronounced “Tawn.” And their last name is “Sil.”

This is the story of one pair of Tons that became heroes of sorts. One day, they were chatting and the person they lived inside who they called “Little “S”,” fell down. Before they knew it, one of the teeth was gone and they could see out on the world. Little “S” was upset but the Tons didn’t notice much because they were taking in the sights. As the day passed, they got more and more excited about all the wonderful things they were seeing. They were talking at the same time and began talking louder and louder so that the other Ton would listen -- and then the unthinkable happened! Little “S” heard them and started talking to them. This was strictly forbidden, but the Tons were so excited about all the new things they had learned that they welcomed someone else to talk to. Well, along came Wednesday night, and Little “S” and “S”Mommy were watching “Smallville on TV. Everybody knows that Smallville is about Clark Kent who will grow up to be someone we aren’t supposed to say – let’s just call him the “Big “S” .” So Little “S” was watching the show with a bigger smile than usually just so Ton and Ton could get a good view. Well, out popped this guy with a big meteor rock which makes Clark all funny and sick and all. Well Clark didn’t see this guy at all but Ton and Ton sure did. And they shouted, “Watch out Clark! Watch out Clark!” So Little “S” shouted “Watch out Clark!” and Clark turned and said, “What did you say Little “S”?” and saw the bad guy . Clark pulled the rug out from below the bad man’s feet and the Kryptonite, which is what they call those meteor rocks now, the Kryptonite flew out of the man’s hands. Clark ran and got a lead box and caught the kryptonite in the lead box and snapped the lid closed. He turned and looked out of the TV at Little “S” and said “Thank you Little “S,” you saved my life!” Ever since then, Little “S” makes sure to watch “Smallville” every week and smile so Ton and Ton can see the show and warn Clark if anything bad is going to happen. And every week, Clark listens hard for any warning that Little “S” may shout to him.

The End.

“Grounded on Tuesdays”

Clark got onto the bus Wednesday morning. Chloe’s jaw dropped. Pete started laughing. Chloe fished into her purse and handed Pete a $5.00 bill. “I guess missing lunch will help me keep my girlish figure but if I find out that you two set me up, he11 has no fury like this reporter when she’s hungry.” Chloe got up and moved off to find another seat. Pete called after her, “Aww! Don’t go away mad. *Hee-hee* ”

Clark: “What was all that about and, more importantly, how much trouble did you get me in this time?”
Pete: “Just a friendly wager. I bet her you would be on the bus today. You see, I’ve noticed that, since the beginning of October, you haven’t missed the bus once on a Wednesday.”
Clark: “Yep. That’s ‘cause I’m grounded on Tuesdays.”
Pete: “Really? I thought you wouldn’t go out with us Tuesdays because you watched something on TV that night.
Clark: “Oh, Pete! You KNOW there’s nothing good on Tuesday nights anymore.”
Pete: “So what’s the scoop? What did you do to get grounded? I have to know.”
Clark: “It’ll cost you $5.00.”
Pete: ”What?”
Clark: ”I know you have it, I helped you earn it and there’s a certain reporter who’s figure is just fine as is that I have to take to lunch today.”
Pete: “OK. Here, man, but this had better be juicy.”
Clark: “It’s more trashy than juicy.”
Pete: “I’m ready!”
Clark: “Well, Dad was talking to Old Man Henkel. He has this problem. Wednesday is trash day and he can’t keep his trash can from blowing over no matter what he tries. The poor old guy ends up picking up his yard every Wednesday. Well my Dad figured it out, so now I have to stay in Tuesdays so they can make sure I get to bed early enough to catch the bus Wednesdays. Plus Dad has had me helping out at Henkel’s place – of course he doesn’t tell Henkel why.”
Pete: “How about telling me why. I don’t get it.”
Clark: [whispering] “Well, I get up to about 210 or 220 by the time I reach Henkel’s place…. Get it now?”
Pete: “You –suck!”
Clark: “Exactly.”
Pete: “No, I mean, you charge me $5.00 for that story? That isn’t worth a state quarter.”
Clark: “Next time save your money and read a story on the WB web site. They’re free.”



[OH NO! Forgot the violence again. Maybe Clark should go beat up Henkel for getting him in trouble with Henkel. I’ll think on it.]

"FanFic 1: The Day The Earth Stood Still"

Jon told Clark, "If you must eat Mexican food, don't face West!"



"FanFic 2: The Shortest Day of the Year"

Jon told Clark, "No more Mexican food for you -- EVER!"

“Tons Swelling in Small Throat”

Little “S” woke up one day and it hurt to swallow. When “S”Mommy noticed that Little “S” only ate 6 pancakes for breakfast, she knew something must be wrong so she asked Little “S” about it. Little “S” told her about his sore throat. “S” Mommy had Little “S” open wide. That was something he was good at. She looked at one of the Tons. One of them was big and round, but as she watched, it returned to normal size. Soon Little “S” was rubbing his throat again so “S”Mommy looked again. Now the other Ton was big, but again, it returned to normal size as she watched. Soon, both Tons were big until “S”Mommy looked at them. As time passed, it seemed to “S”Mommy that she was going to be down in the mouth all day. So she told Little “S” to get his coat on, that they were going to the doctor so he could look at the Tons. She said they might have the “It is.” Of course this got the Tons’ attention and they started screaming, which got Little “S”’s attention. Little “S” told “S”Mommy that they didn’t have to go to they doctor, that the Tons were just having a “Test.” She asked what kind of test. Little “S” told her what the Tons told him, that Left Ton said he could hold his breath the longest, then “S”Mommy showed up and startled him. Then Right Ton tried it and then “S”Mommy showed up again. Well “S”Mommy wondered why it had been going on all day then, so the Tons told Little “S” that they learned that “S”Mommy would look in on them if they held their breath and they didn’t wanted to get a good look as often as they could. “S”Mommy turned red and said “Well you tell Mr. Sil and his friend Mr. Sil if they pull that stunt again we will be going to the doctor and they will be looking up at me from a silver tray!” Needless to say, the Tons had learned their lesson.

“Lara’s Wish”

Lara was sitting in her living room waiting for her jerk of a husband to get home from the meeting of the planetary counsel. He liked wasting the time of bureaucrats – thought it was poetic justice, but what he loved even more was telling tall tales. The bigger the lie, the more improbable the story, the better Jor-El liked it. So Lara was doing a little light listening to a novel by one of her favorite authors. The novel stopped reading and another voice addressed her. It said, “Lara, you among all women, among all species, from all worlds have been chosen on this day to have a single wish fulfilled. The wish is irrevocable so choose wisely. This is all.” Lara didn’t know what to do. She would wait until Jor-El got home, discuss it calmly with him and do the opposite of whatever he thought was best. That was a fool-proof plan! So Jor-El came home all excited and laughing. He wouldn’t let Lara get a word in edgewise. He was talking about the whopper he told at counsel that night. He said, “I told them that Krypton’s core would explode tonight killing everyone except our son because I am going to send to another planet in a rocket ship. I told them that on this planet, Kal-El will be strong enough to move mountains, invulnerable to all harm, able to fly, able to hear all and see all and able to move faster that the speed of light unaided by mechanical devices of any kind. I told them that his only weaknesses would be “magic” and the radioactive material our planet will turn into – green rocks!!! You should have seen the looks on those fools' faces! I wish you could have been there!” Lara snapped back, “Yeah, well I wish that for just one day, this day for example, that my husband only spoke the truth.”

“They Came to See It”

Clark woke up. It wasn’t quite 5:00am and it wasn’t time to start his chores, but there was very strange murmuring sound coming from outside his open bedroom window. He looked out and the ground all around the house looked strange – like it was swaying in the wind or something. He looked closer and he couldn’t believe it. It was people. So many people you couldn’t see any ground anywhere. The entire farm was covered as far as he could see in every direction and they were quietly talking among themselves. He looked around for something to put on. He had his blue sweat pants on. He pulled on a blue Smallville T-shirt and a pair of red socks. He wrapped a red blanket around himself and went downstairs and out onto the front porch. “There he is!” someone shouted and the crowd rustled as it turned his direction. Then there was silence as thousands of expectant faces stared at Clark. Clark had never seen so many people. He knew in his mind that this many people existed, but in his gut it seemed unreal. And most of them looked strange. Some even looked alien. Finally Clark said, “Why are you here?” Someone stepped forward and said, “Sir, we came to see it!” And hushed “Yesssss!” echoed through the crowd. Clark was totally un-nerved. Obviously, they were here for him. They didn’t seem to mean him any harm, but they might accidentally hurt his Mom or Dad. Maybe if he left, they would leave too. He walked off the porch and a pathway through the human mass open ahead of him. He fell buried alive and now he was cut off from home and family. He started walking faster and the pathway opened ahead of him. Soon he was at the road and there was a long passage down the road where he could run but there was no end to the people. Thousands and thousands of smiling people some with tears streaming from their eyes. Now Clark was in a full panic running faster and faster down the road. But ahead of him was a wall of people and no where to go so he gathered his strength and he leapt as high and as far as he could to get over the crowd, but the crowd was larger than he could have imagined.  He looked frantically for a place to land but there was none. As he continued to look, a roar went up from the crowd that was so loud that it sounded like being in a tornado again. He looked around and saw they were waving and using strange recording devices pointed at him. Why? Then he became self-aware. How long had he been up here in mid air? He was just poised at the top of his leap looking around. He thought he should be scared but he wasn’t.  It was as if he were Isaac Newton sitting under the tree and saw an apple float off the tree and away. Gravity didn’t mean anything to him anymore. He waved back to the crowd and they cheered. He began circling and looking around at all those who had come to see him on this day. There must be at least a million. Soon a chant started “Sup-er-man, Sup-er-man, Sup-er-man!” Clark wondered what it meant. Then as the sun crested the horizon, an even more brilliant light began manifesting itself throughout the crowd and then there was no left on the ground. He made a quick pass over town and then flew back to his house. He landed on the porch roof as light as a feather as if he had been flying forever. He crawled into his bedroom window and back into bed. Then his alarm sounded.

"The Blue Ball of Happiness"

Jor-El was making final preparations for launching the ship. She noticed Lara, wearing gloves, tuck a small blue ball into the spaceship. "On no you don't!" he barked, "I don't like those things and I won't have one used on my son. I believe babies deserve to express themselves like everyone else -- even when it's annoying. How long have you had that thing?" Lara answered, "Serk-Ne gave it to me at my baby shower. I swear I have never used it on Kal, but what if he has a tantrum on Earth. With his strength, he could do some real damage before he could be gotten under control." Jor-El protested, "But he's been conditioned not to react that way." Lara, "You know that conditioning is not 100%.. This is just a safeguard." "Very well. I'll have to add instructions." Jor-El held the octoganal key to his forhead and began a controlled thought message to the mind it contained, "Use the blue ball as needed to calm Kal. Hold it with gloves and touch it gently to his skin. May the Blue Ball of Happiness grant peace to your household." Jor-El was startled. He had just added the sales slogan for Blue Ball to his ships' instructions. "Ship delete last entry." Just then a heavy tremor hit and Jor-El's priorities changed. The instructions for the Blue Ball was never were included with the ship. The ball itself sat un-noticed inside the spaceship until it blew up the day Clark put the Kryptonite key into it.

Lana dismounted from her horse and went to sit down under the shade of a tree on the Kent Farm. She found that she had come to sit on a small blue ball. She held it in her hand to look at it and suddenly she felt wonderful. It seemed like someone had packed up all her cares are woes. She stood up and put the ball in her pocket. Suddenly, the euphea left her. So she took the ball back out and clenched it in her hand. She got back on her horse and rode into town. When she got into town, she rode horseback into the Talon and spied Lex. "Hey Lex!" she yelled "I quit!" Lex said, "What are you doing? Is Seth back in town?" Lana snipped back, "No Seth is gone. I no longer need a man, any man to make me feel good, so find someone else to run this here saloon. The Talon didn't make me happy and I found out that I LIKE being happy. So, Happy Trails and Bye-bye." Lex, "Well, what are you going to do?" Lana, "I'm going to see if I can get back my spot on the cheerleader squad and then I'm going to dust off my pom-poms." Lex, "Well, you seem to know what you want and what makes you happy. I envy you that." Lana rode out of the Talon and was passing Clark on the street when he called out to her, "Lana, how are you? You are Looking good." Lana answered, "Thank you sir, I don't have a mirror but I'll take your word on it. I was pretty hot this morning." Clark stammered, "Are you going to be at the Talon later? I wrote a song parody -- a filk -- about how it would feel to fly. I wanted to read it to you." A smiling Lana calmly answered him, "I don't give a flying filk what you want anymore Clark. I'm on my own now and I'm happy this way." With that, she rode off as Clark's mouth served as a fly-catcher.

Flashback. Lana at the nursing home delivers a food tray to Cassandra. Lana loses her balance and Cassandra touches her to give her a little balance. She sees a vision of a very old and happy Lana Lang with an atrophied left hand -- forever clasped about a small blue object.

Hmmm. Nobody like? Maybe this story needs a theme song.


“Lana’s New Life”

[based on “Lying Eyes” by the Eagles which you can read and hear at
http://www.geocities.com/~falconbbs/lyineyes.htm]


Smallville girls just seem to find out early
How to open doors with just a smile
A rich old man, and she won't have to worry
She'll dress up all in lace and go in style
Late at night in her big old house she sits there
To stay at home and hold it had its price
But the blue ball’s magic makes it doesn’t matter
That her husbands hands are cold as ice
So she tells him she must stay in bed this evening
It’s just a small cold but she needs her rest
But he knows what she does when she is upstairs
She’ll be holding that blue ball tight to her chest.

You can't hide your lying eyes
And your smile's a thin disguise.
I thought by now you'd realize
There ain't no ways to hide your lying eyes.

On the other side of town Clark Kent is sitting
With fiery eyes and a destiny to fulfill
But he spends most of the night just regretting
The way that little ball makes Lana feel.
Lana squeezes on the ball her heart beats faster.
She whispers to herself, "I’ve got it all!"
If it wasn’t for the need to spend time eating
She would spend all her time playing with her ball.

You can't hide your lying eyes
And your smile's a thin disguise.
I thought by now you'd realize
There ain't no ways to hide your lying eyes.

She gets up and kisses the ball lightly
And stares at the stars up in the sky
Another night of holding the ball tightly
She draws the shade and rubs it on her thigh.
She wonders how it ever got this crazy
She thinks about a boy she knew in school
Did she get tired or did she just get lazy?
She's so far gone but she has her “happy tool.”
My oh my, you sure know how to arrange things
You set it up so well, so carefully
Ain't it funny how your new life made you happy
You're not the same sad girl you used to be.

You can't hide your lying eyes
And your smile's a thin disguise.
I thought by now you'd realize
There ain't no ways to hide your lying eyes.

Ain't no way to hide your lying eyes
Honey, you can't hide your lying eyes.

This basically spoils one of my favorite songs, but my self-restraint is long gone. Please don’t read this if you are in a good mood you don’t want to spoil (unless you can look at it from the parody aspect only) or if you are depressed. Basically, don’t read it. Many of you will take this advice without it being given.

“I Had A Name” [Based on “I Got a Name” by the late, great and wonderful Jim Croce]

Like a dead dog lying along the road
I had a name, I had a name
Like dead pet bird and a croaked pet toad
I had a name, I had a name
And I carried it with me like my daddy did
But I live in a world that from him was hid.
Movin' me down the highway
Rollin' me down the highway
Movin' ahead so life won't run me down.

Like a tornado coming across the sky
Sounds like a train, sounds like a train.
Didn’t blow me away but it sure did try.
So I’ve got time. I’ve still got time
It took the next building and it sure was loud
It came from nowhere, now our field is plowed.
Movin' me down the highway
Rollin' me down the highway
Movin' ahead so life won't run me down.

And I know there is no “free.”
Like a fool I am and I'll always be
I had a dream, I had a dream.
They don’t have a mind but their -crap changed me
I lost my dream, I lost my dream.
Oh, I could pretend I have one you want me to
But my days of pretense are almost through.
Movin' me down the highway
Rollin' me down the highway
Movin' ahead so life won't run me down.

Movin' me down the highway
Rollin' me down the highway
Movin' ahead so life won't run me down.

For Tyrrath, Verses and Shhmommy



"Three Light Meals a Day"

Lois Lane was bound and determined to get to the bottom of it. She had heard of escalating rent prices in a lower rent district of Metropolis. There was fierce competion for apartments on certain floors facing certain directions in a small cluster of apartment buildings. Wealthy single women were renting apartments in the area of Clinton Street and they weren't telling why. Finally one young woman who Lois gave a promise of anonymity agreed to share her story. She ushered Lois into an apartment that had been totally rehabbed to a style not justified by the neighborhood or the building. The woman could have lived in the best of the best places available in Metropolis for what the remodeling job must have cost her. Lois's keen eye spotted the expensive telescope at the window and the videotape camera attached to it. She also noted the angle that the telescope was pointed. It was aimed towards an atypically short apartment building on Clinton Street. That particular building had not seen the same rent increases as the surrounding buildings. The two women sat down and the woman being interviewed began talking but never would meet Lois's gaze, "I heard about him from a close friend who had moved into this building. Once I saw for myself, I rented this apartment. Three times a day, he's out on the roof. It doesn't matter whether it's mid-winter or not. As long as it's not overcast, he goes out and suns himself morning, noon and night. He must be a sun worshipper. Three times a day in the smallest swim trunks. Amazingly he never gets a tan, but the man has a physique that's out of this world. And he looks a lot like Superman." With that, the woman popped a videotape into her machine. An image came up on the widescreen plasma TV. It was a man wearing a small red swimsuit strutting across the roof of the building on Clinton street. He sat down on a chaise lounge yard chair, reclined and stretched out. As the camera zoomed in on his face and upper chest, the man put on a pair of sunglasses. Lois's jaw dropped as she recognized the man as someone who sits 2 desks away from her at the Daily Planet. Now she knew where he went during lunch hour everyday. Still in shock, she said, "Clarrrrrk!"

Story by Verses:

Clark and Chloe went to Metropolis for a journalism convention at the Daily Planet. When they arrived, they saw some school children at the lobby. Apparently this was a field trip. One little boy wandered away from the crowd and wandered to where Clark and Chloe were. He had a small camera around his neck and was taking pictures of everything. He started walking backwards and he bumped into Clark. "Sorry", he said "That's alright" Clark gestured toward his camera. "I can see you like photography. Is that what you want to do when you grow up?" The boy grinned and nodded. "I want to work here as a photographer." Clark smiled "Well that's cool. I'm hoping to become a reporter myself." The boy said "Maybe we'll work together."

"Yeah, I'll bet you'll be a great photographer!"

Suddenly the teacher approached the boy, "Didn't I tell you not to wander off? Now get back with the others!" Before the boy followed the teacher, Clark called out, "Hey kid, what's your name?" The boy responded "Jimmy, Jimmy Olsen."

“When Jimmy Met Perry”

 The teacher returned young Jimmy to the rest of the class where the Planet's newest employee, Perry White was explaining the basics of journalism. He was distracted by the commotion and commented, "So this little papoose wandered away from the tribe, huh?" Jimmy turned to him and said, "I may be a scout or a hunter of stories, but don't call me a papoose, Chief!" Perry, shocked by the mouth on this freckled-faced little runt, answered back, "Well, then don't call me Chief!"

“The Gift”

Clark came out and sat on the stoop of his front porch. He couldn’t remember ever being so discouraged. He hoped watching his Saturday morning cartoons would help, but seeing all those heroes that could fly made him very upset. He had seen Jor-El levitating with Louise in that vision so he knew he should have some kind of flying powers. He just lacked the confidence. Jonathan stuck his head out the door and said, “Hey Mr. Sad Sack, I believe this package is for you.” Jonathan tossed Clark the package and he read the return address: “Rocky, F.S.” Could this be from the famous Rocky? He opened the package and pulled out a letter that was enclosed and began to read:

“Dear Clark, I have often flown over your farm and saw how hard at work you were with your flying lessons. I know the frustrations in trying to get airborne the first time. Even I had trouble. I thought no one could ever feel worse than me, but BabyBJ’sMommy came and told me, “After giving birth to B.J. with those antlers of his, everything else in life is like pulling a rabbit out of the hat!” After she told me that (and showed me the scar from the C-section) I realized that my personal problems were nothing but a pile of chili beanies. That’s when BabyBJ’sMommy handed me the enclosed aviator’s flying cap. With it on, I never had any trouble flying. I hope it brings you the same success as it brought me. Yours Truly, Rocky, F.S.”

Clark quickly pulled the aviator’s cap from the box and put it on. He pulled down the goggles. Suddenly he heard music: “Da Da-Da Da Da Da-Da-Da, Daaah Daaaaah. Gonna fly now, gonna try now ….”

Martha walked out onto the porch and said, “I’m Martha Kent, may I help you?”

Clark answered, “Mom it’s me, Clark!”

Martha looking surprised replied, “Is it really you, Clark? From the back, I thought it was Lex. But those glasses make you look like a totally different person!”

Clark said, “Mom, these are flying goggles, not glasses. Mom, do you hear music?”

Martha looked puzzled, “No honey, I don’t hear any music.”

Clark smiled and knew now that it was the power of the aviator’s cap. “Mom, I’m gonna fly now. I’m gonna try now.” With that Clark ran down the road. He jumped, flapped his arms, skipped and leaped. He was determined to do it this time.

Jonathan yelled from the house, “Is it OK to turn off “Rocky’s Theme” now, Martha?”

Martha answered, “Yes, Dear. He’s gone off to fly.”

Jonathan joined Martha on the porch as a sound reached them from the distance – the sound of the Smallville water tower exploding from Clark’s impact. Jon turned to Martha and said, “I sure hope no one recognizes him in that silly aviator cap I got for him. You know, Martha, sometimes it’s hard to believe that that kid’s dad was a rocket scientist!”

"Clark and the Not So Little Dutch Girl: Part I"

[Also under the title “Coming To America”]

The Kents had gone away for a week to visit relatives while Clark was off school. Clark decided to stay home alone. He was going to call Pete and tell him that he didn't need to come over and do the chores like they had agreed. Instead, Clark thought he might go out on his own for a few days. He had found that if he ran very fast, he could run across the water. To test his limits he ran East and found himself on the Atlantic Ocean before he knew it. He realised that if he stopped to turn around he would sink so he kept on running. Before he knew it he was in Holland. He was un-nerved by the experience and found a little cafe that accepted US currency and sat to have a coffee before making a return trip. While sitting there, a crowd gathered to watch a parade of students pass by in historic costumes. When the parade was over, some of the participants came to the cafe for refreshments. One young woman was being beseiged by requests from young men to share a table with them. They wouldn't take no for an answer. Clark stood and told them to leave the girl alone. Hearing him speak English like an American, the woman was intriqued and asked to sit with Clark so she could practice her skills in conversational English with an American -- an attractive young American. Clark was mezmerized by this young beauty and was tongue tied as they spoke. Soon the woman, who had identified herself as Sylvia Fenn, was planning footsie with Clark under the table. Startled, Clark asked, "What was that?" Sylvia replied, "Wooden shoe." Clark answered, "Yes." Sylvia said, "Yes, What?" Clark said, "What did you ask me?" She answered, "I asked nothing. I said "Wood den shooooe." " Clark said, "OH! I thought you said "Wouldn't you." !" Sylvia asked, "Wouldn't you what?" Clark said, "I don't know what." Sylvia smiled and said, "Yet you answered "yes" ???" Clark blushed. Sylvia continued, "Hmmmm. What should I ask of you since you have answered me yes already? Hmmmm. You will meet me tomorrow at one in the afternoon at the edge of the forest over there. See? And we will talk some more. You don't need to agree since you already did. Will you know me without my wooden shoes? I will be wearing Nieke's and jogging clothes." Clark said, "See you tomorrow then!" Clark watched her as he left thinking what he would tell what's her name. The long dark-haired one that ran the coffee shop. He realized he didn't care. He checked around for a farm that would let him do some chores for a place to sleep. He actually found enough work to buy himself some new clothes for his date the next day.

After what seemed like an eternity, Clark took a seat at the edge of the forest at noon to await Sylvia. Impatient he began to scan throught the trees with his remarkable vision. There he saw Sylvia running at break neck speed through the forest. He didn't wait to see who or what was chasing her, he jumped up and ran into the forest knocking over trees in his haste to reach her. When he got to her he grabbed her and embraced her. He looked her in the eyes and said, "Don't worry, I'll protect you!" "From what?" she asked. Clark answered, "From whatever is chasing you." Sylvia tried to get her breath so she could laugh, "I'm practicing to get my best time for my forest run, you dope!" A confused Clark asked, "What is a forrest run?" Sylvia answered, "Children learn to run real fast through the forest. Our parents say it is really important." Clark asked, "Why is it important?" Sylvia was surprised by the question, "You mean when your parents tell you to do something in America, you can ask why? I do what my parents tell me to!" Clark asked, "Even if it's stupid?" Sylvia answered, "I never thought about it. Well Mr. Kent, you messed up our first date, so we must do it over. Tomorrow, you wait for me at the edge of the forest! One in the afternoon. We will speak no more today." Sylvia turned and ran back out of the forrest from the way she had come.

The next day, Sylvia was doing stretching exercises at the edge of the forest preparing for her run. She was rubbing the scratches on her arms and legs thinking about the injuries the forest runs had caused. She thought that if Clark saw her, she didn't want him to see scratches. She thought about his words. Why should she run through the forest? Was just being told to do it since childhood good enough reason. She began her run through the forest but he pace slowed until she was at a slow walk. She decided to enjoy the forest, to take in the sights and to start being a little independant of her parents harsh rules. She wanted to run just to be with Clark and to have him embrace her once more, but she had to walk to express her new found freedom. As she walked, she started hearing little noises. She stopped and turned to see no one and nothing. She decided she was just scaring herself. She must not give in to her fear. That was what it was. She was afraid of her freedom. The noises were just in her imagination. So she began to walk again but she tripped. As she fell she could see that the laces of her shoes were tied together. She landed hard. She started to push herself up and looked forward only to see the learing face of a chubby little man sharing her straight in the eyes. He couldn't have been more than a half meter tall. He continued to smile as he said to her in an evil, menacing voice, "Hi, Ho!" As she let out an ear-shattering scream that echoed and re-echoed throught the forest, she felt little hands all around her binding her hands and feet. She felt herself passing out as the gag went around her mouth.

At first, Clark thought that Sylvia must be testing him, but then he raced into the forrest. He hestitated when he saw something he refused to believe. Sylvia was being bourne off on the shoulders of perhaps a dozen little men. The were heading towards a small opening (about 3 feet high and 5 feet wide) under the base of a huge tree. He got there just as they all disappeared into the hole. He would have to crawl to follow them, but when he got on his knees and looked into the hole, he saw that the hole went no where. The little people had disappeared and Sylvia had disappeared with them. Clark didn't know what to do.

End of Part I.

Here's the problem. I usually don't write a story down without knowing how it ends. I have no idea how this one ends. Maybe there is no Part II. Maybe this is where the moral of the story comes in "Honor thy Father and Mother." I don't know. Maybe DutchSylviaFenn is the Queen of the underworld rhelm of the little people now. Her parents really should have told her why children run through the forest, but maybe she wouldn't have believed them. I can only hope that DutchSylviaFenn indeed escaped and can come in tomorrow and tell us how she escaped and if Clark helped.

"Clark and the Not So Little Dutch Girl, Part II"

While Sylvia was stretching her long legs and preparing for her ill-fated run, a shimmering opening appeared in an unassuming little flat in Dorset, Great Britain. Through that opening stepped a man holding a camcorder. As the opening closed behind him, Paul Hedger popped a video tape out of the recorder, but it in a box, adhered a label “Waterloo Battle” to the box and added it to his history section on his shelf of videotapes. As he collected his mail, he felt a little dizzy. Something was not right with his world. He looked at his feet but instead saw a pair of Nike sneakers with their laces tied together. Then he saw the image of a leering face. “Sylvia!” he shouted. “Dang trolls, wish they’d keep to their own kind.” He turned and said, “Open. Holland.” Another portal opened. He stepped through and then back into the flat. He ran to his bedroom, threw on a different shirt, ran to the bathroom, checked his look, swished some mouthwash around in his mouth, spat it out, returned to the portal and left.

Clark was leaning into the mouth of the hole beneath the tree staring with his x-ray vision into nothing but dirt and tree roots. He was startled by a tap on the shoulder. Paul told Clark, “Stand aside.” Clark moved back and Paul said “Polarity.” Almost immediately the dozen trolls with their precious package marched out of the hole. They were disoriented on how they had ended up where they had started. They dropped the sleeping beauty Sylvia the short distance to the ground. Paul said, “I could use some help.” Clark rushed forward and a troll through him 50 yards into a tree. Paul turned to Clark and said, “Stay out of this. Didn’t you read your manual? This is magical stuff. Your ‘skills’ are useless here.” Clark protested, “You said you needed help!” “I do, “ said Paul, “but God helps those who help themselves. Split!” With that, Paul stepped out of himself. The two Pauls approached the trolls. Paul turned to Paul and asked, “Care for a round of football?” The other Paul nodded in agreement and promptly kicked a troll back into the hole where it came from. The other Paul kicked a troll into a tree. It rebounded where upon he head butted it into the hole. In short order all the trolls had disappeared back into the hole. In unison, the Pauls said, “Cap it. Rejoin.” The hole closed up and the two Pauls became one. Clark walked up to Paul and asked, “Who are you, Harry Potter?” A disgusted Paul said, “I’ll regret that night I spent at the pub getting drunk with Ms. Rawlings the rest of my life.” Clark heard Sylvia stir and knelt at her side. Sylvia stared lovingly at Clark and said, “Clark, you’ve saved my life!” Clark looked her over and said, “Are you OK, Wooden Shoe?” Sylvia looked at him smiling and said, “Yes, I’m fine and, yes, Clark, ... I would.” Clark smiled broadly, lifted Sylvia and walked down the forest path towards the place where Sylvia and him had planned to meet that day. Paul looked at his hands and said to himself, “I didn’t say “invisible” did I?”

The End

[For More, See “Coming to America]

"City of Ants"

Lionel felt like a kid at Christmas. The truck had delivered the artifact to the loading dock a half hour ago and now it was on the freight elevator and on its way up to his office so he could be the first to personally examine it. He knew that the cave would give up its secrets if he was patient enough. Things often appeared and disappeared in the caves. This time he took no chance when the artifact was discovered. He had it delivered to him at once. Soon the doors opened and the artifact was rolled in. Lionel rubbed his hands together in anticipation. It was six feet in diameter and eight feet tall. The nine inch diameter stopper that was lying next to the bottle in the cave was put into the neck of the bottle for transport. Lionel ran his hand along the surface of the smooth, thick glass and said, "Like nothing I have seen before -- like nothing else on Earth." His hands found a rough section in the glass and found that the bottle had a name etched into it. He read the word "KANDOR" and trembled with excitement. He tried looking through the glass but the bottle had gotten cold during transport which caused a thin layer of condensation to form on the inside surface He could barely make out the city that he had been told was inside. He could see that the bottom 2 feet of the jar was filled with dirt. Lionel had an -assistant fetch a small step ladder from his library. He quickly climbed the step ladder, removed the stopper and peered in. The city looked futuristic and there were small specks moving about on the streets. "Dear God! They are no bigger than ants -- very small ants at that!" His -assistant helped him down and reminded him that the luncheon business conference in the room next door was ready to begin as soon as he got there. Lionel could have made them wait if he chose, but he figured he might as well have lunch and do some business to take his mind off the bottle while the open bottle got acclimated to the room so the condensation would clear. He locked the doors to his office behind him so he would get the first good look of the bottle city.

Clark excitedly led Pete through the cave. "Wait until you see it, Pete. It's been killing me not showing this to you but I wanted to wait until the time was right. It's in the next chamber, the one we slept in that one night." Clark entered the large portion of the cave and found nothing there. "It's gone! Someone must of stolen it but who could have moved it other than me? What am I going to do now?"

"What was it?" asked Pete.

"It was awesome. It was brilliant. That's what it was. You remember what your Mom let me have six months ago?"

Pete said, "Yeah. Boy was my Dad mad. My mother wanted him to get rid of that for years so she could park in the garage. But that thing was custom made for my great grandfather for the creamed corn plant. I don't know what they were used for, but forty of them were made by Kandor -- the Kansas Door and Glass Company, and that's the only one that I know of that survived. That company went out of business before my Dad was born. What the heck did you want with that thing? Are you keeping change in it or something?"

Clark answered, "Better than that. I got the idea when you showed me the stuff your Uncle Bruce makes as a hobby. I decided I was going to make something cool for this year's Science Fair."

An excited Pete said, "Wow! You're making a ship in a bottle?"

Clark answered, "Better than that, I built a miniature city in the bottle. I spent all my free time for six months building it. And I work fast and can make really tiny stuff. I made stuff out of metal and welded it up with my heat vision. I really was able to hone my skills. "

Pete's jaw dropped and then he said, "Cool man! I can't wait to see it." He saw the look on Clark's face and said, "Oh, man! That's what was stolen? You kept it here? Why would you do that?"

Clark said, "I was only going to leave it here a day or two. It was for the Science Fair, Pete. As cool as a city in a bottle is, that wouldn't make it science fair material. Remember when we slept here."

Pete answered, "Like I could forget. You have that tough hide, but those tiny ant thingies bit me up bad. I scratched for weeks. They smelled our food and they came from everywhere. Even you couldn't shake them off until all the food was gone -- and even then, they wanted me for desert."

Clark said, "What can I say, Pete. You're a really sweet guy."

Pete snickered and said, "Very creative of you to throw me into that lake a mile away."

Clark said, "You're welcome, Pete. Anyway, I put bread crumbs in the bottle and left it here overnight to get the ants to go inside. There has never been an ant farm like that before. I would have won the science fair for sure and might have even got in the Guiness Book. But now someone stole it!"

Pete said, "I'm sorry, Pal. I wish I could have seen it. But don't worry. You're one guy that can get into the Guinness Book any time you want to."


Now, does anybody need to have me tell them what happened at the luncheon? Just let me say that there are some corporate ant-tics at Luthor Corp?

Now here's a song as the credits roll:

ANT-tick-ipation,
ANT tick ip pay ay shun
Is making them scratch.
Is keepin' them scra-aa-aa-ching.

[I'm thinking of writing a sequel to "City of Ants." The working title is "Antigone."]

“What Am I Here For?”

Clark Kent was ushered into the Oval Office. He had been summoned by the President of the United States – Lex Luthor. Clark was able to tolerate the pain caused by President Luthor’s kryptonite ring just long enough to give him a quick handshake.

Clark asked, “What am I here for, Mr. President?”

Lex said, “Not that old friends need a reason to get together, but I have called you here today because I need your help. I know that you have never sided with me politically, but I hope to put that all in the past as of today. First, I have something for you.” Lex motioned for his personal –assistant to approach Clark. “Clark, my –assistant will present you with a presidential medal to honor you for good citizenship.” The -assistant stepped forward and placed a gold medallion in Clark’s hand. Lex continued, “Ted, please leave us alone now.” Lex’s –assistant left the office. Immediately the intercom buzzed. Lex spoke into the intercom, “I told you that I didn’t want to be interrupted. What is it that is so important that it can’t wait until I’ve finished a chat with an old friend?”

The man on the intercom said, “It is a serious situation, Sir. But it’s nothing that can’t be handled an hour or two from now.”

Lex said, “Well, this won’t take long, but don’t interrupt me until I’m finished with Mr. Kent.”

Clark said, “You told me you need me to help you?”

Lex said, “Yes. Old friend, I need you to do something for me to make my life much easier.”

Clark asked, “And that would be?”

Lex pulled a revolver from the drawer of his desk and said, “I’d like you to die, Superman!” He fired a single shot. Clark was dead before he hit the carpet. Lex pulled a second gun made of high-tech plastic resins from his desk then put that gun in Clark’s hand. He called security and said that Clark had attempted to –assassinate him. Within minutes, security had hauled Clark’s body out of the Oval Office. The intercom buzzed. Lex answered, “What is it?”

The voice on the intercom said, “I know this is a bad time, but we need to discuss that matter I called you about earlier.”

Lex said, “Go ahead.”

The man said, “Astronomers have verified that a large meteorite is on a collision course with Earth. It is due to hit within a week. It’s in the planet-killer class, Sir.”
Lex shouted, “And you considered that a matter that could wait?”

The man said, “It’s strictly routine, Sir. This has happened 6 times in the last decade. There is a simple protocol for handling the matter.”

Lex asked, “And what is the protocol?”

The man answered, “The President uses the red button to contact Superman and he takes care of it.”

In Lex’s head he heard Clark’s words, “What am I here for, Mr. President.” Until that point, he always thought Superman was just there to interfere with his plans and annoy him. Now he understood what Superman was really there for. Lex tilted his head back and laughed.

“21”

The day Clark turned 21, he decided to exercise his rights. He went to the local bar, proudly showed his ID and asked for a beer. The bartender asked what brand of beer. Clark didn’t know anything about beer so he asked the bartender what was good. The bartender suggested a local brew called “Killian’s.” Clark agreed. The bartender asked if Clark wanted Killian’s Red or Killian’s Green. Clark said, “Give me one of each.” Clark drank down the Killian’s Red, picked out the prettiest girl in the place, beat up her boyfriend and whispered something in the girl’s ear. She nodded “yes” and they started to leave together, but Clark swung by the bar first to have his second beer. He downed the Killian’s Green with one gulp. His face turned green and he slumped over the bar. The bartender said, “Some guys just can’t handle alcohol.”


Moral of the story: If you're from Krypton or just feeling a little freaky, choose Red instead!

“Secrets and Lies”

Clark had noticed occasional, unannounced visitors to the farm armed with cameras equipped with telephoto lenses. He decided that it was time to put a little extra effort into protecting his secret – in fact it was very much over-due. At night after doing his homework and chores, Clark began constructing a tunnel connecting the basement of the Kent farmhouse to the woods nearby. He made a connecting tunnel to the barn and a 2nd exit in the unlikely event that someone has near one of the exits when he needed to use it. In the middle of the night, Clark visited an abandoned quarry that was flooded and cut stone from below the water line so no one would notice that stone was being removed from the site. He lined his tunnel system with stone and built rooms off the tunnel as a hiding place for anything that might give a clue to his origin or his powers. After a few weeks without sleep, Clark’s mind cried out for some REM sleep. He told his Mother that he was heading out to his loft for an afternoon nap. He was asleep within moments of lying down.

=====

As he slept, Clark dreamed of Lana. In his dream, she asked him, “Why the secrets and lies? Why couldn’t you tell me the truth? I could handle it.”

Clark told her, “I have enemies who might harm you to discover my secret.”

Lana said, “Do you think that my not knowing would stop them from hurting me? That day when I killed that man in your barn – he would have killed me whether or not I knew. I would be in just as much danger if people thought I knew or if I wandered in when I shouldn’t because I didn’t know what you are capable of.”

Clark said, “Well, what you don’t know can’t hurt you.”

Lana laughed, “So if I stand in the road and I don’t know a truck is coming, it won’t hurt me?”

Clark said, “Well, I know it wouldn’t hurt me.”

Lana asked, “Well, would this hurt?” Lana began tickling Clark all over. It felt so strange. Her fingers were touching him lightly everywhere as if she had a thousand fingers. It felt strange and hot and somehow familiar. He started laughing in his sleep.


=====


Lana pounded on the kitchen door of the Kent farmhouse. Martha came to the door and said, “Lana. What’s wrong dear? You look upset.”

Lana screamed, “CLARK! WHERE IS CLARK?!”

Martha answered, “You need his help? He said he was going out to take a nap in his loft.”

Lana screamed, “NO!” She ran off the porch. Martha stepped out. He eyes followed Lana as she headed for the barn. When Martha looked beyond Lana, she saw that the barn was fully engulfed in flame … and she saw Lana continue to run as fast as her legs would carry her until she disappeared into the flames.


=====


In his dream Clark felt Lana continue to tickle him. He said, “This feels like … this feels like … Oh! The time I was thrown into a blast furnace!” As she continued to tickle him, she was also pulling on his arm and screaming his name. He said, “Lana, stop fooling around.” Then he opened his eyes and went from a dream and into a nightmare. Above him was a figure in flame frantically pulling on his arm and screaming his name. Lana was on fire. In an instant, he knew where he was and what was happening. In a split second, he had her outside. He put her on the lawn and blew out the flames. He bent over Lana and she asked him, “Clark, are you all right?”
Clark forced a smile and choked out, “Lana, I’m fine … thanks to you?”

Lana’s white teeth showed though her blackened face as she smiled weakly and said, “I’m so glad that you’re OK!” Then Lana passed out.

As the ambulance took her away, Clark hung his head and said, “Secrets and lies … secrets and lies.”

"Pole Got Your Tongue?"

Pete Ross tapped on the back door of the Kent farm house.  Martha came to the door and looked out at little Pete all wrapped up in his winter coat and mittens.  He asked, "Clark's Mom Mrs. Kent, can I have a glass of water please?"

Martha asked, "Wouldn't you rather have a hot cup of -cocoa?"

Pete said "OH, YEAH!"  He came inside and Martha made him cup after cup of -cocoa.  The boy seemed to have a hollow leg.  When Martha thought he would never stop wanting more, he again asked, "Clark's Mom Mrs. Kent, can I have a glass of water please?"

Martha asked, "You mean you're still thirsty?"

Pete said, "No."

Martha asked, "So why do you need the water."

Pete said, "That's what my Mom uses to unstuck me."

Martha said, "You need something unstuck?"

Pete said, "NO!  I'll never fall for that again!"

Martha asked, "Fall for what?"

Pete said, "For putting my tongue on a really cold flag pole!"

Martha said, "So why do you need unstuck?"

Pete said, "I don't!  Clark does!  I doubled dared him!"

Martha looked out the door.  There stood an impatient Clark at the door with what was left of their flag pole hanging from his tongue.

“The Question”

Clark sat on a rock over looking the quarry. He wondered how a simple question could have triggered such a reaction in him.

His co-workers were filing out of the Dailey Planet building. One of them asked, “Hey, Clark, do you golf? A bunch of us are headed out to the golf course. Do you want to come along?”

Clark had answered, “Thanks but I still have some things to get done tonight.”

The man had said, “So what is it that you like to do Clark? What do you do for fun?”

Clark had opened his mouth to answer the man but, despite being powerful enough to move planets out of their orbits, he couldn’t answer this simple question. He realized that he had long ago given up even trying to think about what he might want -- because he never gave what he might want priority over someone else's need -- and the world was populated with people in need. The thought had lingered in his head that evening as he rushed around the world preventing one minor disaster after another. He had landed at the quarry when the cries for help were coming at him from all directions. Feeling it necessary to go in every direction at once, he stood frozen unable to move at all until he slumped down and sat on a rock. He heard the voices calling and crying, but he was so full of everybody else’s needs and demands that he felt powerless for the first time in memory. He told himself, “Maybe I can help some of them. Helping some would be better than helping none of them. But how do I choose who I help and who I don’t?” He sat there pleading with himself to get up – to get off the rock and do something, but he he somehow couldn't make himself get up. He became disoriented. He asked himself, “Where can I go? Do I have a home? Is there a sanctuary for me?” He said out loud, “I have to go!” But he didn’t. Then he shouted, “Mom, Dad! Please help me. I don’t know what’s wrong. I need you here to tell me what to do.” He was aware of the absolute silence of the quarry yet still aware of the mumbling of pleading voices around the world. His senses couldn’t shut them out. He wanted the voices of the world to stop for a while, but he didn’t want silence either. He wanted a voice to answer his questions and fill his needs. Oh yes, he had needs too. He had forgotten and ignored them, but they ate at him now. And he was struck dumb when he tried to put a name on them. He mumbled, “Mom?” He whispered, “Dad?” Then he shouted, “GOD, oh merciful Father in Heaven, help me now! What is wrong with me?” The mighty man fell to his knees and cried and his sobs echoed and re-echoed through the quarry. He began praying and continued until he slept. In his dreams, he shot hoops with Pete, fished with his Dad and ate his Mother’s apple pie. In the morning, he woke and walked until he was ready to fly again. Then he toured the world to see what price tag the world had paid for his neglect and self-pity. Finally, he found his way back to the Daily Planet and sat at his desk. Clark saw the man from the day before walk by and asked, “How did it go last night?”

The man answered, “It was beautiful. We had a great evening. I hope you’ll join us next time.”

Clark forced a grin and said, “Maybe I will. Maybe I will.”

“I’ll Do It”

The studio chief of Warner Brothers waited impatiently as Tom made his way to the desk. He took one look at his watch every time Tom took a step. Finally, Tom sat in the chair that he was directed to. The Chief asked him, “How can I help you today?”

Tom answered, “No, it is me that is here to help you! I finally have come around and am no longer scared to be stereotyped in the role, so I’ll do it!”

The Chief asked, “Do what?”

Tom said, “You haven’t cast the part of Superman yet, have you?”

The chief said, “We have some possibilities for the role, but nothing definite yet. Why, do you have someone in mind?”

Tom answered, “Me of course. People begged me and begged me to do it so I’m finally giving in. I’ll do it! Get the contracts drawn up and I’ll sign!”

The Chief said, “I don’t think you’re the right age for the part.”

Tom said, “Make-up is a wonderful tool. I can look any age you want me to.”

The Chief asked, “Exactly how old are you Mr. Welling?”

Tom answered, “86 next Friday.”

"One Hand Won Doesn't Win The Day"

Jonathan was standing on the back porch of his house when he saw a raven haired female walk out of the barn in baggy blue jeans and an equally baggy flannel shirt.  Around her waste, a golden rope served to gather the shirt and hold the pants up.  The woman disappeared around the barn and soon appeared flying over the barn in a seated position with her hands in front of her.  Then Jon saw a familiar streak rushing towards the house and quickly stepped in front of the door to block Clark's access.  Clark came to a sudden halt in front of him.  He was wearing nothing but a red pair of underwear and a golden tiara.  Jon said, "Clark, I'm disappointed in you!  How many times have I warned you not to play poker with that girl from Paradise Island?!"