“Unfit?”
Rated G
[Clara
age 6 years 10 months]
1/15/2006
1======
Martha
Kent was rolling out some pie crust when Jon came in the back door to the
kitchen. He pulled out a chair and sat
down at the table. He put his arms on
the table and leaned over to support his head in his hands. Martha said, “You gave up pretty quickly that
time. You hadn’t even been back out
there 10 minutes this time. What
happened? Did one of the parts break?”
Jon
said, “No.”
Martha
said, “You’ve never been a quitter, Jon.
I’m really surprised that you are letting that old tractor get the best
of you.”
Jon
said, “I never thought I was a quitter either, but I guess I was deluding
myself.”
Martha
said, “Well I’m glad. It’s just not
worth the aggravation. Just call someone
out here to overhaul the damned thing.
Oops. Sorry. Little ears with extremely good hearing! … You
will call somebody, won’t you?”
Jon
said, “It’s too late for that.”
Martha
said, “Why?”
Jon
said, “Clara was watching me try to fix the tractor before I came in last
time. I forgot she was there. I got
upset, threw down my tools and said a
few choice words before coming in here.
She must have decided to help me.”
Martha
said, “Oh no. Judging by your mood, it
can’t be good.”
Jon
said, “You have no idea. When I got back
out there, all the housings were bolted back in place and the tractor was
showroom clean … but there was a pile of tractor parts piled neatly nearby.”
Martha
said, “I’m sorry Jon. I’d better be the
one to talk to her about it. You didn’t
talk to her, did you? Please tell me
that you didn’t upset her. She may not
always show it, but she’s very sensitive about how we react to the things she
does.”
Jon
said, “I didn’t say a word. I was in a
daze. I didn’t know what to do. I just climbed up into the seat and turned on
the ignition. I have no idea why I did
that. I knew it wouldn’t work. It didn’t make a sound.”
Martha
said, “Oh dear.”
Jon
said, “Then I put it in gear. I almost
tumbled out of the seat. That tractor
accelerated like some supped up race car.”
Martha
said, “What?”
Jon
said, “I have no idea what she did to it.
It’s missing half its parts. Even
the fuel tank is lying in that pile of parts.
I have no idea what it uses for fuel now.”
Martha
asked, “So the tractor works?”
Jon
said, “Better than new. In fact, better
than any tractor I’ve ever driven.”
Martha
said, “Then I must be missing something here.
What exactly is the problem?”
Jon
said, “”It’s not a matter of what’s the problem, it’s
a matter of WHO’S the problem.”
Martha
said, “Jonathan Kent, I won’t have you criticizing Clara just because she lives
to help you!”
Jon
said, “She’s not the problem. I am.”
Martha
said, “Jon, this is just too confusing for me.
What exactly is going on inside your head?”
Jon
said, “Clara is some kind of genius.”
Martha
said, “And?”
Jon
said, “And I’m NOT. She is special in so
many ways … and she needs so much more than I have to offer her.”
Martha
said, “Oh Honey! Don’t put yourself
down. I wouldn’t trade you for anyone in
the world … and neither would Clara.”
Jon
said, “It’s not up to Clara. It’s not
about what she wants but about what is best for her. That’s the kind of hard decisions that
parents have to make for their children.
She is so very special. She’s
remarkable. And I have nothing to offer
her … NOTHING!”
Martha
said, “That’s not true!”
Jon
said, “Isn’t it? Instead of learning to
hone her abilities … to become the best person she can possibly be, she is
doing MY chores and becoming the breadwinner in this household. What does a poor
Martha
said, “You can teach her your love of fairness and justice. You are one of the most passionate and
compassionate people I have even known.
If you just allow her to grow up witnessing how you treat your neighbors
… and even total strangers, she’ll learn more than most people these days ever learn.”
Jon said, “She needs so much
more than that.”
Martha said, “I’ll give you
an example that might get through to you. I believe
you’re the one who told it to me and Hiram
Jon said, “A lot of people
could teach Clara the difference between right and wrong. AND from what I’ve seen, she came to us with
a very strong grasp of it. She’ll do
just fine without me. You can’t convince
me otherwise.”
Martha said, “You talked
about what Clara needs. What about MY
needs?! I NEED her. Damn it Jon!
I don’t ask for much, but I’ll be selfish about this! I’ll admit that you might be able to find
better parents for Clara, but I WANT her and I’m keeping her!”
Jon said, “I love Clara
too. God knows I do. I want her to stay here so much that it
hurts. But because I love her, I know
that I should get out that device that the Guardians of the Universe left for
her and push that button.”
Martha said, “Don’t you EVEN
think about doing that! I’m not going
to let any aliens raise my daughter!”
Jon said, “Are you
forgetting that Clara is an alien too?”
Martha said, “The Guardians
… Clara said that they don’t even smile.”
Jon said, “But Clara could
tell that they were good. I’m sure that
they would be fit to bring her up to be the person she is meant to be.”
Martha said, “And what do
you think they’ll make her into? An intergalactic solder like Abin Sur -- that Green Light person that came for her? Is that what you want for our daughter –
wearing a uniform, flying around battling aliens to save worlds we don’t even
know exist?!”
Jon said, “I’m sure that’s
not what they have in mind for her. They
said her life was to have a significance that would effect
this entire area of space. A mere
soldier couldn’t be that important.”
Martha said, “They are cold
Jon. Cold and
sterile!”
Jon said, “That’s not
fair. We didn’t meet them. We don’t know what they are like. And even if they can’t nurture Clara, I’m
sure they can find people who can.
Perhaps some people like Clara still exist out there somewhere. I know that there must be someone better
suited to the job than I am.”
Martha said, “A JOB! Do you think that being Clara’s Father is a JOB? Is she right up there with slopping
the hogs and mucking out the horse stalls?
You’re breaking my heart, Jon.
You know that, don’t you?”
Jon said, “I’m sorry. I really am.
But I realized what I would never allow myself to admit until now. I’ve been fooling myself by thinking that I
am a fit father for that little girl. I
have to admit it. I have to … for
Clara’s sake.”
Martha reached up to the top
shelf of a kitchen cupboard. She took
down the summoning device that the Guardians had given to Clara. She quickly left the kitchen and headed for the
front door.
2======
Martha found Clara sitting
on the steps of the front porch. She was
in the outfit that she had been wearing the day they had found her. Krypto Two was tucked
under her left arm and his head was lying on her lap. She looked very sad. Martha put the alien device into the pocket
of her apron and sat down next to her. Martha
asked, “What are you doing in those clothes?”
Clara said, “Waiting. …. I
left the clothes you gave me. Can Krypto Two go with me?”
Martha asked, “Where are you
going?”
Clara said, “To Oa … to live with the little men who like cookies.”
Martha said, “Is that where
you want to be?”
Clara said, “No. I want to stay … but Daddy doesn’t want me
to. He doesn’t like what I did to his
tractor.”
Martha said, “Your Daddy
doesn’t care about the tractor … and he doesn’t want you to go anywhere.”
Clara said, “Yes he
does. He said. I heard.
I heard everything … and you owe the swear jar fifty cents and Daddy
owes it two dollars and seventy five cents.”
Martha was silent for a
while, then took her daughter’s hand and said, “Remember when I wanted to get
you that doll in the store but you didn’t want me to?”
Clara said, “Uh-huh.”
Martha asked, “Did you want
that doll?”
Clara said, “No.”
Martha said, “Come on. Be honest with me. I saw how you looked at it.”
Clara said, “You do too much
for me. I don’t need another doll.”
Martha said, “Your Father
wants you more than you wanted that doll.
He just doesn’t think he is good enough to deserve having you here with
us. You are very precious to him. You are a blessing to us, Clara. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
Clara said, “No.”
Martha said, “Do you
remember when I made eggs for you and forgot to put on the salt?”
Clara said, “Kind of.”
Martha said, “Oh, this one’s
better. Do you remember eating oatmeal
before I showed you how to put butter and brown sugar on it?”
Clara said, “It was
yuck. I like brown sugar.”
Martha said, “Before you
came, Jon and I were like oatmeal without the sugar. With you, we have brown sugar and butter and
cream. That’s a blessing Clara. You have made our life so much sweeter. I never want to go back to the life I had
before you showed up that day. Right
now, your father is thinking that he hasn’t done anything to deserve having you
as part of our lives. He doesn’t think
that he is good enough to be your Daddy.
Understand?”
Clara said, “That’s silly.”
Martha said, “It is
silly. But when you feel that something
is true, it seems very real … even if it isn’t.
Just like those chicken men you have nightmares about.”
Clara gave Martha a big hug,
then got to her feet and went into the house.
She tossed Krypto Two onto the living room
couch and said to the toy dog, “Wait for me here.”
3======
Clara walked into the
kitchen and said, “Daddy.”
Jon said, “What is it,
Honey?”
Clara said, “I want to stay
here with you. Don’t send me away.”
Jon said, “You don’t
understand, Clara. It’s not that I don’t
want you to stay with us. I love you
very much. But I have to do what is best
for you. I just can’t give you what you
need.”
Clara said, “You are
right. I don’t understand.”
Jon said, “Since the day I
met your Mother, I dreamed about the children we would raise. I wanted to be a father … but I never stopped
to think that I might not be any good at it.”
Clara said, “You’re good!”
Jon said, “You don’t
understand. I’m not fit to be your father.”
Clara walked over to Jon and
easily pushed his chair away from the table.
She crawled onto his lap and pulled his arm around her. She leaned into him and whispered, “You
see? It’s a good fit!”
Jon said, “I have nothing to
give you. What do you need that I could
possibly give you?”
Clara said, “This.” She leaned into Jon and held him a little
tighter.
Jon said, “Clara, you are
such a precious little girl. Anybody
would love you like I do. Anybody.”
Clara said, “He didn’t”
Jon asked, “Who didn’t?”
Clara said, “My first Daddy
didn’t.”
Jon said, “Clara, I’m sure
that isn’t true. I’m sure he loved you.”
Clara said, “You love me
better. Don’t ever send me away. PLEASE!!”
For a long time, Jon sat in
the kitchen holding Clara while, outside, Martha dug a deep hole and buried the alien signaling
device.
THE END