“There’s No ‘S’ In El”  Rated G

1======

Superwoman said, “Dang Lois!  You almost got yourself killed A-GAIN!  I thought we had a deal, I don’t go to where you work – that place with the big ball on the roof – and write inaccurate, sensationalized accounts about you and you don’t stand in front of criminals firing automatic weapons in your direction.”

Lois said, “I’m trying, I’m TRYING!  But I just have a knack for finding myself on the wrong end of a gun.”

Superwoman said, “I’m considering moving to the suburbs so I might not be able to get to you the next time you piss off the wrong people.  It’s hard enough getting dressed, tracking down your blood curdling scream, and getting in front of a speeding bullet when I live in the same town as you do.  Today I almost forgot to put on my belt.  That would have been a disaster!”

Lois said, “REALLY?  Why?”

Superwoman said, “I need to have that belt.”

Lois said, “This is getting interesting.  I’ve always been fascinated about that belt buckle.  What does it do?”

Superwoman said, “Lois!  Duh!  You’re not really a blood relative of Chloe Sullivan are you.”

Lois said, “OUCH!  Don’t rub my cousin’s Pulitzers into my open wounds.  If you’d cooperate a bit with me, I’d have some Pulitzers of my own.  Who would guess that Chloe would luck out and have some dweeb she knew in high school give her an exclusive on the cancer cure!  Now give!  Tell me about the belt … or I’ll have to guess again … like I did last time.”

Superwoman said, “Yeah, thanks.  I’ve been Superwoman ever since!  That is SO not me!”

Lois said, “Come on!  The belt!  Does it make you turn invisible?  Is that how you disappear?”

Superwoman said, “Answer this for me:  why do firemen wear red suspenders?”

Lois said, “I think I heard this before.”

Superwoman said, “To hold their pants up!  The elastic in my skirt’s waist band is shot.  I need the belt to keep my skirt up.  I wouldn’t be nearly as fast if I had to worry about my skirt slipping down.”

Lois said, “Come on!  That’s not it.  You said that it would be a disaster if you didn’t wear it.”

Superwoman said, “Look at Mr. Olsen over there snapping pictures of me.  I wouldn’t particularly enjoy seeing my back side on the front page of your paper.”

Lois said, “You don’t do much to hide it.  How much more could they see even if you lost the skirt?  If you REALLY cared, you’d wear a cape … with an ‘S’ on it … a narrow ‘S’ cape … narrow escape, get it?  That’s good.  I’ll have to try to use that somehow.”

Superwoman said, “There you go with that ‘S’ stuff again.  I really don’t like the name you hung on me.  I don’t have an ‘S’ on my clothes now and I’m not going to because you chose to call me Superwoman.”  Lois pointed at her belt.  Clara said, “That’s not an ‘S,’ that’s a pictograph … a symbol … that’s the plant of power.”

Lois said, “So you prefer the Power Girl name ….”

Superwoman said, “NO!  For pity’s sake.  Here’s your exclusive.  My name is Kayla.  K … A … Y … L … A!  Now you know.  Not a single ‘S’ in there.  Now you know.  So you can call me Kayla from now on when you write about me.  Enough of this.  I need to spend some time at home and recharge my batteries a bit.”  Superwoman disappeared from sight.

Lois said, “Hmmm!  So you’re not one of Chloe’s mutants after all!”

2======

The next day, Clara was sitting at breakfast with Lex while the kids played with blocks on the floor.  She was reading “The Daily Planet” when suddenly milk shot out her nose and she began laughing hysterically.  She grabbed a napkin, wiped her nose and said, “How attractive!  I guess the honeymoon is over.”

Lex said, “Never.”  He leaned over and kissed her.  He asked, “What was so funny?”

Clara said, “These newspaper reporters rarely get things straight.  Remember when LexCare announced the cancer cure and one newspaper reported that we had cured cellulite?”

Lex said, “A lot of women were angry when they found out that we had ONLY cured cancer.”

Clara said, “Maybe I should work on that … it’s important to some people.”

Lex asked, “So what did they report today?”

Clara said, “The secret behind Superwoman’s secret powers.”

Lex said, “Oh no, Honey.  I’m sorry.  I know you think you have to any clue to the nature or extent of your powers a secret.”

Clara said, “Why give people information that my enemies can use against me?  Anyway, this story will probably help me in the long run.”

Lex said, “What does the story say?”

Clara said, “It’s about my belt.  That ding-bat Lois Lane cornered me again.  She wanted to know about my belt buckle.  I should have done the thumbs down thing or just disappeared … but I wasn’t thinking.  I told her the truth.”

Lex said, “That you made it in shop class in your freshman year of high school?”

Clara said, “No, I told her that it didn’t have an ‘S’ on it – that it was a pictograph of the plant of power.”

Lex said, “That’s the plants that existed on Krypton centuries ago that were the original hosts to the energy symbiotes that are the source for our powers.”

Clara said, “Yes.  It was my family’s crest.  The plant symbol is in recognition of my biological heritage.  One of my ancestors inverted the symbol for the self proclaimed master race of Krypton – since then it has been the symbol of the equal rights of all Kryptonians.  That symbol married with the pictograph of the plant of power has been my family crest since the second rule of the master race was put down.  That’s why I don’t care for being called “Superwoman.”  My biology doesn’t give me the right to dominate anyone.  That is totally contrary to my philosophy and my heritage.  I just want to help the people of my adopted planet whenever I can in any way I can.”

Lex said, “So what was Lois Lane’s creative interpretation of what you told her?”

Clara said, “She wrote that my belt buckle is my power plant.”

Lex said, “That sounds pretty close to what you said you told her.”

Clara continued, “She said that all my powers come from the power plant in my belt and that I am a normal human female without it!  She even said that it needs recharged on a regular basis.  I think she has me confused with Green Lantern.  Now everyone will think that my powers are based on technology … not biology.  When I made it in shop class, everyone thought that it stood for “Smallville.”  I was going to give it to my Dad but the buckle was too big, so I just threw it into my closet.”

Lex said, “So what made you decide to make it part of your costume.”

Clara said, “Like I told Lois, I just needed something to help hold my skirt up!”

3======

In the years that followed Lois Lane’s article, people who fired weapons at Superwoman usually targeted her belt buckle.  Some wanted to render her powerless by destroying the belt.  Others wanted to sever the belt so that they could recover the buckle.  They thought they could have super powers if they wore it.  There was a standing offer of several billion dollars on the black market for anyone who could deliver Superwoman’s belt buckle.  All that mattered to Clara was that people who intended harm to her or her family spent their efforts trying to destroy or get their hands on a piece of metal that earned her a ‘B’ in high school shop class.

THE END