“Lex Luthor’s Bachelor Party”

Rated PG-13

1-26-2006

1======

Lex Luthor stood at the door of his office at LexCare and shook the hand of each person as they left.  They were the top people in the fields of psychology, psychiatry and anthropology.  This concluded their second and final day of meetings.  Lex had learned a lot of facts but he wasn’t sure if he knew enough to see him through the times ahead.  He was hoping that Jonathan Kent would come through for him and make his bachelor party everything he hoped it would be.

Lex made his way to his private elevator and went up to the penthouse.  Until three weeks earlier, the penthouse had been a vast open space.  He had finally managed to get Clara to tell him what kind of living arrangements she wanted – not what kind she thought he wanted.  Then he asked her to draw some plans and pick out some color schemes, fabrics and furniture styles.  In order to keep her from trying to save money on the project, he had told her that the penthouse would be featured in magazines and would reflect on him whenever he had to entertain for business purposes.  He wasn’t lying, but his real purpose was to give Clara the kind of home that he felt she deserved.  Before he could have the work done, Clara bested him by doing the work herself.  She even built the furniture and upholstered it.  Now, as he toured the penthouse, he was overcome by the apparently limitless skills of the woman that would be his wife in less than one day’s time.  He felt that this place was certainly worthy of Clara … but was he?  He told himself that he was still selfish enough to marry her whether he was the best person suited to meet her needs or not, but in his heart he hoped that he would find a way to make her happy and keep her that way until his dying day.

He walked into the in-law suite.  He had told Clara that the President of the United States or a royal couple from Europe might sleep there some night and to decorate it accordingly.  In truth, he intended that the rooms would never be used by anyone other than Jonathan and Martha Kent.  He hoped they would feel comfortable enough to stay with them when visiting Metropolis … and maybe even baby-sit the kids he hoped to have someday.  He marveled at the lovely stonework on the fireplace.  Yes, indeed, the rooms were good enough for royalty … and even good enough his future in-laws.

Lex went down a hallway and past a series of bedrooms.  He let Clara believe that these rooms were for guests.  As he looked into each of them, he saw, in his mind’s eye, children playing and laughing and bouncing on beds.  All of them looked like Clara.  He smiled and blew a kiss to his unborn children before continuing on to the master bedroom.  The room was very homey and comfortable, yet as stylish as anything in a magazine.  But Lex was distinctly ill at ease looking at the bed.  That was to be the bed he would share with an extraordinary … alien.  They had shared a bed together before -- when he was recovering from being drugged and institutionalized by his Father.  But Clara had, with Lex’s help, saved herself for marriage.  He loved her in a way that the pre-Clara, cynical Lex could never have imagined.  But he didn’t know if a physical expression of the love they felt for each other was even possible.  Clara had said that they should find out for sure so that he wouldn’t end up stuck with a wife that couldn’t satisfy him.  Lex had told her that he could live without sex, but he couldn’t live without her … and they might as well wait a little longer since they had waited so long already.  He wanted to please Clara in every way.  He lowered his head and prayed that he would be capable of doing that.  He prayed … but he didn’t know if he was doing it correctly.

2======

Jonathan Kent came out of the kitchen with a sandwich in each hand.  He was quickly taking a bite out of each as he made his way to the front window to see if Lex Luthor had arrived yet.

Clara said, “Daddy!  Those sandwiches are for my friends!”

Jon said, “Don’t I qualify as a friend?”

Clara said, “Daddy!”

Jon said, “I know.  I know.  But there are so many sandwiches.  No one is going to miss six of them.”

Clara said, “Six?!”

Jon said, “I though Lex might like a couple too.”

Clara said, “I guess we’ll get by … just don’t let me catch you getting into the wedding food!”

Jon said, “I guess it’s okay then … because you didn’t catch me.”

Clara said, “Daddy!  Why are you eating anything anyway?  Aren’t you and Lex going to eat … wherever it is that you are going?”

Jon said, “They don’t serve food … at least not every day.”

Clara said, “What?  I thought ….”

Jon said, “Don’t think.  Don’t imagine.  Your imagination combined with pre-marriage jitters will get you upset for no reason.  Lex didn’t want you knowing any details about tonight … and you should accept that.  This is his last night ….”

Clara said, “What did you do the night before you married Mom?”

Jon said, “Well, it certainly wasn’t anything like what Lex wants to do!”

Clara said, “What?!”

Jon said, “Oh, Clara, please stop!  Don’t worry about it.  After tonight, he’s all yours.”

Clara said, “But I’m committed to him already!  Is it so much to ask that he dispense with a barbaric pagan ritual and just be happy about what he is getting – not regret what he is giving up?”

Jon said, “Lex is devoted to you.  He wouldn’t do anything tonight … or any other night, to mess up what you two have together.”

Clara said, “I just imagined that his party would be a quiet evening of fellowship between you and Lex and his best man Gabe Sullivan at some nice, dignified restaurant … and I found that somewhat comforting.  Anything that makes me think that anything else is going on just drives me crazy.”

Jon said, “Like I said, after tonight, he’s all yours.”

Clara said, “Still … women … women who know that this is their last chance to get their claws into Lex … they might do almost anything.  Maybe I should go along … just to protect him.  You know?”

Jon said, “Won’t all your friends be disappointed?”

Clara said, “What?  Oh, them.  Mom can entertain them.”

Jon said, “Honey, just relax and enjoy your party.  I’ll be right there to watch over Lex for you.  I very much doubt that the women I picked will do anything to keep Lex from going through with the wedding.”

Clara said, “Women?  You are going to have women at Lex’s party.  And YOU picked them out?”

Jon said, “Just a couple.  It’s not going to be a big affair … just a small intimate group.”

Clara said, “Intimate!  Oh, Daddy!  You don’t like Lex, do you?  You want him to do something tonight … so that I won’t marry him.  Is that it?”

Jon said, “Don’t be silly. I’ve grown very fond of Lex.  Sure, I will miss having you around all the time, but I would never do anything to keep you away from getting what you want.  And I know how much you want this.”

Clara said, “Then prove it by talking him out of it.  Please!”

Jon said, “I told him that what he wants to do tonight is totally un-necessary … and I’ll tell him that again tonight.  I also told him that he shouldn’t be embarrassed to tell you what he’s doing … but he has made up his mind that he needs this … and that you might tell him that he’s being silly if he tells you his plans.  He doesn’t want you to discourage him and he feels that tonight is important – so that he can focus on being the best husband he can be for you starting tomorrow.”

Clara asked, “Are you absolutely sure that these women you selected won’t try anything with Lex?”

Jon said, “I very much doubt it.  They are professionals.  I wouldn’t have picked them if I didn’t know that they followed a strict code of conduct.”

Clara said, “I guess it’s better that you picked them instead of Lex.”

Jon said, “Lex wouldn’t have had a clue!  He isn’t in the habit of associating with this kind of people.  Hopefully that will change.”

Clara pouted her lip then grabbed what was left of the sandwiches from Jon’s hands, took them into the kitchen and threw them out.  Jon called after her, “I wasn’t finished with those yet.”

Clara shouted, “Yes you were!”

Jon said, “The sandwiches were a little dry.  If you don’t mind and since you’re already in the kitchen, could I have a punch when you come back?”

Clara said, “Better watch what you ask for!”

Jon said, “I wonder what happened to that respectful, obedient little girl Martha and I found in a field years ago.”

Clara said, “Oh, stop with the manipulative parental tricks!  I’ll get you some punch.”

Jon said, “Never mind.  Lex is here.  I’ll get something to drink where we’re going.”

Clara said, “So they serve drinks but no food?”

Jon said, “There’s sure to be something to drink.  I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Sweetie.”

Clara ran back into the room and said, “Don’t go out there!  Make him come in.  I want to talk to him before you go out!”

Jon said, “As I recall, I never got that opportunity when you two were sneaking around together.”

Clara said, “You still want that punch?  Because I’m in the mood to oblige you!”

Jon didn’t get a chance to answer before Lex interrupted by sticking his head in the door.  He smiled and said, “Hi, Angel.”  Clara forced a smile.  Lex said, “I thought that this house would be full of women by now.”

Clara said, “I’m sure you will see plenty of women before the night is over … or, at the very least, quite a bit of a couple of women.”

Lex said, “Obviously Jon is still keeping our plans secret from you like I asked him to … and, just as obvious, the curiosity is killing you.   Just take comfort that what you are feeling right now can’t be nearly as bad what I’ve had to endure for seven years – all those mysteries without any rational explanation in sight.  You know, it’s kind of flattering to see how jealous you are.”

Clara said, “It’s not good to make a Super Woman jealous.  Remember, until now I have always pulled my punches with you!  Also remember that, on two separate occasions since we began seeing each other, I have had the joy of reading newspaper reports about you marrying other women.  I’ve put up with a lot too!”

Lex said, “You have nothing to worry about, Angel.  Nothing at all.”

Clara said, “Nothing at all?  Really?  Now I know what my birth Father felt like when he was told that he didn’t have to worry about Krypton blowing up!”

Lex said, “Just relax.  What you’re feeling is just natural pre-wedding jitters.”

Clara said, “Oh.  Did your previous wives feel the same way?”

Lex said, “I was only married one time.  That marriage was annulled.  The other marriage was faked.  And both times, I was drugged and beyond any responsibility for my actions.”

Clara said, “Well that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t painful for me, because it was.”

Lex said, “Listen, I have only one more marriage in my future and no annulments – so don’t think you’re going to get rid of me … EVER!  What can I say to re-assure you?”

Clara said, “Say?  Absolutely nothing.  But you can do something.  You can stay here with me tonight.  Everything you need is right here in front of you.  There is no reason for you to go on the prowl tonight.”

Lex said, “That’s a tempting offer … but no.  I’ve got a lot to get through tonight … in order to be ready for our life together.”

Clara said, “Something to get out of your system?”

Lex said, “Actually it’s something I have to get into my system.  HEY!  Stop fishing!  You should want me to follow through with my plans for tonight.  You don’t want me wasting money, do you?   I had your Dad spread a little cash around to get a few people motivated to spend this evening with me and we’re in no position to ask for a refund.”

Jon said, “Speaking of which … that car you drove tonight is a little flashy.  I know all of the people we will be seeing tonight that well, but I know some of them better than others … and when some of them see obvious signs of wealth, they tend to try to hit you up for a little more than you bargain for.”

Lex said, “If I get what I want, I don’t care what it costs.”

Clara coughed loudly.  Jon said, “I think you’re underestimating what you are going to learn from pure experience – and you’re going to get that whether you pay for it or get it for free.”

Clara coughed again.

Lex said, “I thought you couldn’t cough.”

Clara said, “I think I’m choking on what you and Dad said!”

Jon said, “Lex, run to the kitchen and grab a couple sandwiches.  Once these people get started with you, they can go on for hours.  I don’t want you passing out from hunger before they are finished with you.”

Lex said, “Not a bad idea.  Did Mrs. Kent make them?”

Jon said, “No, Clara did.”

Lex said, “Oh.  …  Okay. …  They should be passable.”  He headed for the kitchen and Clara followed him.

Clara said, “You are dressed up very nicely tonight.  You smell great too.”

Lex said, “You know how important first impressions are.”

Clara said, “When I first met you, you were sick, trembling and covered with red hair that had just fallen out of your head.”

Lex said, “Exactly.  And how long did it take you to get over that impression and fall for the real me?”

Clara said, “Probably less than two seconds.”

Lex said, “Really?  But you didn’t know that you loved me then, did you?”

Clara said, “No, not until you sent me Krypto Two a couple days later.”

Lex said, “So I purchased my pearl of great price for a few dollars at a hospital gift shop?  To think of all the money I’ve wasted courting you when I already had you under my spell.”

Clara said, “I didn’t cost you hardly anything!”

Lex said, “You’re forgetting that I bought Cuba for you.”

Clara said, “HALF of Cuba.  Another not-to-be-mentioned-tonight person bought the other half.  And as I recall, you had many unexpected dividends from that investment, didn’t you?”

Lex said, “Surprisingly … yes.”

Clara said, “And speaking of cheap women, … you ARE going to be careful tonight, aren’t you?”

Lex said, “Don’t worry!  There is absolutely nothing for you to be concerned about. … Should I be worried about some male stripper popping out of a cake?”

Clara said, “No!”  Lex smiled.  Clara continued, “He wouldn’t fit into a cake.  But he does have a police uniform, green kryptonite handcuffs and a red kryptonite necklace for me to wear.”

Lex said, “Okay ….  I’ll let that one pass … because I’m such a wonderful guy … and because I know it’s not true. … Since you just told me about falling in love with me, do you want me to tell you about how I fell for you?  It’s a long story.”

Clara said, “It is not!  You fell all right.  Right into the river -- car and all.  One look at … or I should say ‘through’ my thoroughly soaked blouse and you were hooked.”

Lex said, “I know that you don’t believe that for a moment.  You wouldn’t marry a man that just loved you for your breasts … spectacular though they may be.”

Clara said, “MAY be?  I’d refresh your obviously faulty memory but my Dad IS in the next room and it might be bad luck this soon before the wedding.”

Lex said, “Let me state for the record, breasts have never been the basis for me entering into a committed relationship.  I have seen plenty of breasts before.”

Clara said, “I hope you won’t be seeing any tonight.”

Lex said, “You and me both!  I’ll tell your Dad to keep his shirt on but he isn’t in the habit of taking orders from me.  Talking about your breasts has gotten me distracted.  What were we talking about?”

Clara said, “You were talking about staying here with me tonight.”

Lex said, “Oh yes … that wasn’t it.  Trying to maneuver me, huh?  It seems as if a little bit of the old Lex Luthor rubbed off on you somewhere along the line.  Well, Clara soon-to-be Luthor, I started this story and I intend to finish it.”  Lex cleared his voice and continued, “I don’t think that falling in love with you was any single event.  It was like falling several times … down a huge staircase with very high steps and no bottom in sight.  I always thought I was finished falling … totally in love and no more steps when BOOM!  I’d fall farther and harder than ever before.  It started that day we met … in your Father’s truck.”

Clara said, “That wasn’t his truck.”

Lex said, “Unimportant detail.  It could have been a limousine or a bus or horse drawn wagon.  We made a connection that day.  I wouldn’t call it love … at least not the kind I’ve known.  It was nothing romantic – certainly nothing sexual.  More like a lifelong friendship … souls that were close friends in some other lifetime and drawn back together by fate.  All I know is that I desperately needed someone at that moment in my life and you were there.  I had never felt connected to anyone like that before.”  Lex stopped and took a few bites of his sandwich.  Clara looked at the floor.  Lex took his forefinger and tilted her face up to re-establish eye contact.  He let his finger continue up the side of her face and gently stroked it as he resumed telling the story.  “At the river.  WOW!  I thought that that was it.  I knew the moment that I got a look at you that I could never love any other woman.  That first kiss was the most intense thing I had ever felt in my life.  I still wake up sometimes remembering how your lips tasted that first time.  I wanted you more that day than I had ever wanted anything before.  But what I felt for you then was nothing … just like what I feel for you today is probably nothing.”

Clara’s jaw dropped open.  She looked as if Lex had just struck her.  She looked at the kitchen floor again and said, “Not many people are coming tomorrow, so if I’m nothing to you, then we’d better ….”

Lex said, “YIKES!  I’m better talk faster … and choose my words more carefully!  Honey, please bear with me.  That day at the river, I loved you more than I thought it was possible for a human being to love someone else.  But if you compare how I felt then to how I feel now, it is AS IF I felt nothing at all.  That day, I thought I loved you as much as I ever could, so I formulated a simple plan.  I decided to keep you close and let you see what a truly charming man I can be while I waited for you to get a little older and decide that you wouldn’t mind marrying me.  A few days later, I convinced you to sing for me.  I wasn’t in any way prepared for that experience.  I expected to put on a smile and prove my love by tolerating whatever came out of your mouth.  But you were so amazing that I couldn’t believe it.  Your voice pierced my soul and ripped my heart from me … and you have had it ever since.  At that point, I knew with absolute certainty that what I had felt before was pale by comparison to what I was feeling at that moment.  I knew without a doubt that what I felt was the real thing – a love that couldn’t be surpassed.”

Clara said, “So if I couldn’t sing, you wouldn’t ….”

Lex said, “No … no … not at all.  The only people that are absolutely ceratin about anything are absolute fools … and I’m no exception.  I did warn you that this is a long story, didn’t I?  To continue … eventually, we had our first real fight.  I went home and faced the possibility of a life without you.  At that moment I realized how much more I loved you than I had before.  I resolved that no barrier would stand between us – not my Father, not my greed, not my petty ambitions and selfishness.  My path changed that day.  Then came the time that I couldn’t deceive myself any longer.  I knew that you were hiding something from me – something huge.  I always had this problem -- I couldn’t stand people keeping secrets from me.  It made me feel betrayed and unloved.  It just drove me crazy.  And you … I wanted to know every little detail about you.  And I wanted to know that you trusted me.  So you finally came right out and told me that you had secrets that you wouldn’t share with me … and maybe would.  You came up with that thumbs down gesture to cut me off -- to draw lines I was not allowed to cross.  My ego had always demanded that I cross any line … any limit … that anyone tried to impose on me.  I couldn’t stand to be excluded from anything that interested me … and nothing has ever interested me the way that you do.  So when the person that I loved the most told me that she wouldn’t let me know what I so desperately wanted to know, I was profoundly shocked – not because of what you said, but because of how that made me feel.  I was more than a little hurt, but there was no rage.  My rage had left me.  I actually accepted that there were things that you weren’t ready to tell me yet … and somehow knew that it didn’t mean that you loved me any less.  To respond that way – contrary to everything I had been in my life before you, I was … I can’t describe it.  I couldn’t believe that I could love someone that much to change that profoundly.  Again and again when I knew it wasn’t possible to love you anymore that I already loved you, I was proven wrong.  Even today, looking at the home you’ve made for us in the LexCare penthouse … You are SO amazing.  God how I love you!  I keep falling deeper and deeper in love with you, Angel.  I’ve learned from my mistakes.  If I think that I love you as much as I am able to at this moment … when we have never made love or held our first child, I must be mistaken.  I am confident that you have yet to teach me the kind of depths a love can reach.  It feels impossible at this moment that I love you as much as I do … even more impossible that I could love you more than I do … but I will.  I will.”

Clara said, “Please don’t go!”

Lex said, “Please don’t worry.”  Clara lunged forward and wrapped her arms around Lex.  Lex gasped, “… Please … need to BREATHE!”

Clara held him less tightly and whispered, “Sorry.”

Lex said, “I’m sorry too … but I have to go now.”

Clara said, “Call if you need a ride home.  Call if you need anything.  Be careful with my Dad in the car … and with my future husband too.”

Lex and Clara kissed for a while, and then Lex took his sandwiches and headed for the front door.  Jon opened the door and Lex was startled to see Clara standing there.  She handed each of them an insulated travel mug full of wedding punch then kissed both of them.  She forced a smile as they walked out to Lex’s car and waved at them as they drove away.  The smile quickly faded.  Clara felt like crying.  She was scared that this could be like the other times in her life when something or someone was waiting to make sure that she didn’t get want she wanted most.  She remembered a happy day full of fun and Jor-El’s laughter just before her uncle Zor-El notified them that his attempts to save Krypton had failed and that their world wouldn’t last more than a few hours.  A shiver ran up her spine and she felt alone again.  Someone the world knew as Super Woman stood on the porch of a small Kansas farm house and was unable to stop trembling.

3======

Martha Kent heard Clara come in the front door.  She walked into the living room just in time to see Clara flop down heavily on the couch.  Martha made her way across the room, sat on the couch next to Clara, took her hand and asked, “Did you get the sandwiches to the shelter in time for their evening meal?”

Clara said, “Yes.  And I hung around awhile to serve food … until a couple of the older men offered to ‘party’ with me.  Maybe I should have.  It would have been my first and last fling.”

Martha said, “You would have flung long ago if that’s what you really wanted.  You know you could have had a real party tonight.  You didn’t have to fake it for the sake of your Dad and Lex.”

Clara asked, “And just who would I have invited to a party?  Some of my former cellmates?”

Martha said, “I’m sure that the women from our church would have come.”

Clara said, “Yes, they would have come because they are YOUR friends.  I didn’t want a pity party … or a party where I didn’t feel like I belonged.”

Martha said, “You have more friends than you think.”

Clara said, “Super Woman has plenty of friends … or at least people who want to be.  I have patients and acquaintances … and Lex … and you and Dad.  I am so embarrassed that Lex even had to find a maid of honor for me.  I couldn’t bring myself to ask Diana.  She’ll have plenty to do while I’m on my honeymoon.”

Martha said, “You should have asked her.  Being a maid of honor can be a lot of fun.  I’m sure she would have enjoyed standing with you on your special day.”

Clara said, “I don’t know anything about that kind of thing.  I’ve never even been a bridesmaid.  But its too late to ask Diana now.  I’m surprised that Chloe Sullivan agreed to be the maid of honor for a total stranger.  I bet she heard how good your cooking is.  That must be it.”

Martha said, “So it’s just you and me tonight.  What do you want to do?”

Clara said, “I don’t know.  Do you want me to fly us to Paris to see the Eiffel Tower again?”

Martha said, “If you want to.”

Clara said, “Not really.  Paris … the city of lovers.  I should really go to Mars and put some finishing touches on the vacation home I built for Lex and me.”

Martha said, “Honey, don’t work tonight.  Just relax and give yourself a break for Heaven’s sake.”

Clara said, “I just want to sit on the couch in case Lex calls me to drive Dad and him home.  I wonder where they are right now and what they are doing.  I could track him down by following the scent of his cologne or by listening for his voice … but I won’t.”

Martha said, “I’m sure they won’t do anything worth worrying about.  Lex is a really sweet man.”

Clara said, “Why wouldn’t he tell me?!”

Martha said, “I think Lex is embarrassed.”

Clara said, “You know, don’t you?”  Martha forced a smile.  Clara turned her head abruptly and shouted, “Dear God!  What is that man thinking?!  I’m going to have to go and kick his butt!”

Martha said, “Oh no, Honey, Lex ….”

Clara said, “Not Lex!  I just heard something going on in Texas.  The party is over.  Super Woman is needed.”

Martha said, “Bye Honey.”  But there was no longer anyone else in the room.”  Martha said to herself, “Oh, Clara.  Maybe this is just what you need to take your mind off of tomorrow … but I pity that man in Texas!”

4======

Lex pulled into a parking space and turned off the ignition.  He sat with his hands on the steering wheel.  He took a few deep breaths and stared ahead with a blank expression on his face.  Jon said, “We don’t have to do this, you know?  I can go inside, thank them and tell them that something came up.  Then we can go to a nice restaurant somewhere and talk … or not.  It’s your night … and your choice.”

Lex said, “No, Mr. Kent, I ….”

Jon said, “Call me Dad.”

Lex said, “Thanks Dad.”

Jon said, “Now that I’ve heard you say it, … let’s stick with ‘Jon’ for now.”

Lex said, “Okay … Jon.  I really want to do this.  It’s not much different than what I did yesterday and this morning – just more training for my life ahead.  Tonight should be somewhat the same, but less clinical and impersonal.  These people should be passionate about what they do and feel compelled to do it.  They shouldn’t be here simply because it’s their job and because I sent some money their way.  These aren’t the kind of people that I’m used to spending time with … and I don’t often put myself in situations where I appear ignorant in front of total strangers.”

Jon said, “That’s understandable.”

Lex turned to face Jon and said, “These people … they have diverse backgrounds, correct?”

Jon said, “Yep.  They are exactly what you asked for.”

Lex said, “But you think they can work together in harmony … despite their differences?  The purpose here isn’t to start a fight or get a debate going.”

Jon said, “That’s very unlikely.  These people work together in the community.  They aren’t strangers to one another.  They know what you want and were flattered that you asked them to do this for you.  They want to make sure that you get everything you are hoping for tonight.  They will probably each take turns with you first then work with you as a group.  My only concern is that, once they start, they won’t want to stop.  Remember, we have a very important matter to attend to tomorrow!”

Lex said, “I hope you understand.  Coming from a secular background, I’ve always been raised to think of a marriage as a partnership … in the sense of a financial arrangement.  Of course, mutual gratification isn’t ruled out … and there is some consideration given to who handles parental obligations.  But my Father always made sure that I knew that the most important part of a marriage is the way the community perceives the couple.”  Lex impersonated his Father’s voice saying, “Son, business associates and neighbors must never for a moment think that the marriage is in any way unstable!”

Jon said, “Don’t let anyone tell you that those elements aren’t part of even a great marriage.  Often the difference between marriages is how the obligations are prioritized and allocated … and how willing each person is to go beyond what they see as their duty to their partner.”

Lex said, “But Mr. … Jon, … you know things intuitively from your upbringing – things I’m going to have to make a conscious effort to learn.  What is expected of a man in a marriage as defined by Judeo-Christian beliefs?  What qualities should a man cultivate to make his marriage happy and sound?  I’m not looking for the psychological structure of a good marriage … well, I was this morning and yesterday, but not this evening … not with this group.  What I’m looking for tonight is a sense of the texture of a great marriage.  I want to be aware of anything that I am lacking … so that Clara will get all that she deserves from our union.  I’m sorry.  I don’t have the words for it.  I have so much to learn in order to be worthy of her.”

Jon said, “You don’t need the words, Lex … Son.  Your heart is in the right place or you wouldn’t spend your last night as a bachelor among a group of clergymen and clergywomen.  Well, are you ready for a discussion of marriage from a religious perspective?”

Lex said, “I hope so!  I also hope that keeping tonight’s activities secret from Clara isn’t a bad way to start our marriage.  I’ll probably tell her all about it in a few days.”

Jon said, “Don’t worry about Clara.  She’ll be fine.  Also, don’t feel too guilty about tonight.  She is bound to have a surprise or two for you in the days ahead.  Don’t bother guessing what she has planned for the second half of the honeymoon.  You could guess about it for a hundred years and never get close.”

Lex said, “I think it has to do with some of my favorite clothes and books that have mysteriously gone missing, but I’ll just wait and see.  As long as we spend the time together, I don’t much care what we do or where we go.”

Jon said, “Well with Clara, it’s best to expect the unexpected.  She is very much a woman … but she is also so much more than human.  Her powers and sense of responsibility have made her unique … very special.  But despite her strength, in some very real ways she is as fragile as any person – especially to anyone she has opened her heart to – you most of all.  Her greatest weakness isn’t kryptonite, it’s her selfless love for others.  It’s also, in my opinion, her greatest strength.”

Lex said, “You can trust me, Sir.  I’d never do anything to hurt her.”

Jon said, “As hard as it is for me to trust anyone with someone as precious to me as my daughter, I do trust you, Lex.  I really do.  All that I ask is that you do your best to be worthy of my trust … and make my Baby happy.”

Lex said, “I will … or I’ll die trying.”

Jon said, “Well, let’s get going.  I hope they put the coffee on.  I could use some.”

Lex and Jon got out of Lex’s car and started up the sidewalk.  Jon turned to Lex and said, “Oh, just one piece of advice.”

Lex said, “I would be very interested in any advice on marriage you have to give me considering….”

Jon said, “It’s not about marriage.”

Lex said, “Go on.”

Jon said, “Do you know any jokes about a minister, a priest, and a Rabbi?”

Lex said, “A few.”

Jon said, “While we’re in there tonight, no matter how strong the impulse, don’t tell any of those jokes!”  Jon grinned and slapped Lex on the back.  He reached his hand around Lex, grabbed his shoulder and pulled him close as they walked towards the door of the church.

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“Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”  (“The Bible” NRSV, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

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THE END