“Kissing Tale”

Rated PG-13



[NOTE:  This story is based on the “Smallville” episode “Jinx” written by Mark Warshaw.  The dialog in section one of this story is taken from that episode in order to tie the events of one reality with another.]





Lex Luthor was seated at his desk in the study of Luthor Mansion.  Mikhail Mxyzptlk was seated across from him.


Lex said, “I can't imagine what it must've been like to grow up in a war-torn country.”


Mikhail looked around at the room then said, “Obviously, I mean, I guess this is as far as you can get from scavenging the streets, but growing up hand-to-mouth, uh, does tend to make you resourceful.”


Lex said, “Resourceful enough to get the attention of my Father's LuthorCorp foreign exchange scholarship.”  Mikhail nodded proudly.  Lex continued, “So how do you like Smallville High?”


Mikhail answered, “I think it is the perfect place to make my American dream. There are many opportunities, and the girls are pretty.”


Lex said, “Well, I thought the classes might be a little too difficult for you. I reviewed your application. I must say I was surprised by your poor test scores and grades.”  Mikhail smirked at Lex and waited for him to continue. Lex stood up and walked to the bar to make a drink. He put several ice cubes into a glass.  Lex said, “Look, Mikhail, I'm just curious why my Father would award a scholarship historically earmarked for future Nobel prize winners to a perennial "C" student.”


Mikhail asked, “You want to send me back?”


Lex said, “Maybe.  Convince me why you are here in the first place.  I'd just like to know what you're really doing here. What potential did my Father see in you, Mikhail?”  Lex took a lime from the fruit bowl and started to slice it with a sharp knife.


Mikhail quietly said, “Cut.”


Lex's knife slipped and he cut his finger, drawing blood. He gasped quietly and brought the wound to his mouth. He didn't seem to have heard Mikhail's jinx.


Mikhail smiled and said, “Potential you do not see on a report card, Mr. Luthor.”


Lex said, “If you have a potential, Mr. Mxyzptlk, it is being sadly misused.  Don't get me wrong, Mikhail, I appreciate your entrepreneurial ingenuity, but importing bookies tends to reflect poorly on a company.”


Mikhail said, “These are just fun games.”


Lex said, “The I.N.S. isn't exactly renowned for their good sportsmanship. They're revoking your student fees and sending you back home.”


Mikhail said, “But a man like you can pull strings to keep me here, yes?”


Lex said, “If I wanted to. But whatever talents my Father saw in you, they're not worth the embarrassment you bring to me and my company. I've made the arrangements. You'll be halfway over the Atlantic by this time tomorrow.”  Lex started to leave.


Mikhail said, “You don't really want that.”  Lex stopped and Mikhail stood up and walked toward him.  He continued, “You want to know why your Dad brought me here.”


Lex said, “Not that badly.”


Mikhail said, “What if we make a wager?”


Lex said, “Now, why would I take a bet when I can just have you thrown out of here?”


Mikhail said, “Because I know gamblers better than anybody. You're the caviar kind. See, when you hold everything in your hand, the only thing that can give you a thrill is putting your chips on the one thing that can slip through your fingers.”


Lex was silent for a moment, then laughed softly.  He asked, “And, uh... what would that one thing be, Mikhail?”


Mikhail answered, “Well, in this case, ….






Mikhail answered, “Well, in this case, the woman you love.”


Lex answered, “You have me all wrong.  That is the one thing I wouldn’t gamble on … supposing that I had found someone who meant that much to me.”


Mikhail said, “Your Father seems to think that there is someone.  I’ll answer your earlier question now.  He brought me here specifically to use my talents to put an end to an affair you are having with one … Clara Kent.  I made a point of checking her out at school.  I couldn’t believe she was actually the one.  Your Father must truly have your best interests at heart to ask me to save you from a life with someone so dreary and unappealing.”


Lex said, “It doesn’t matter why my Father brought you here … or what he thought you could do to me or Miss Kent.  You will soon be too far away to do anything to either of us.”


Mikhail said, “This was to be my wager … that Miss Kent would do anything and everything I asked of her.  That would show that she is just as willing to do for a total stranger whatever favors she has been doing for you.”


Lex said, “As much as I would like to see Miss Kent throw you across a room if you tried anything with her, that won’t happen.  You won’t be seeing her.”


Mikhail said, “I could make you do anything I want as well.”


Lex smirked and said, “Of course you can.”


Mikhail said, “I won’t be greedy.  I think I’ll begin by making you give me … let’s say … ten million dollars.”


Lex said, “You’re out of your mind.”


Mikhail said, “Not at all.  Lex, get your checkbook.  Write a check out to me for ten million dollars.”


Lex walked over to his desk and pulled a checkbook out of his top drawer.  He began filling out the check.  He said, “What’s happening?”


Mikhail said, “You are simply doing what I tell you to do.  Everyone does.”


Lex said, “I’ll stop payment on this check before you can cash it.”


Mikhail said, “No, you won’t.  That is why you will accompany me to your bank and make sure that they give me my money.  But that’s not all you are going to do for me.  You are going to take me to wherever this Clara Kent lives.”


Lex said, “Why?”


Mikhail said, “I want to humiliate you a bit … show you that you shouldn’t make any move to mess with me in the future.  Plus, I am an honorable man.  Even though he has seen fit to let you try to deport me, I made a deal with your Father and I should do my best to complete unfinished business.”  Lex reached into the drawer, pulled out a gun and pointed it at Mikhail.  Mikhail said, “Lex, point that gun at your head.”   Lex did as he was told.  Mikhail said, “You know how easy it would be to order you to pull that trigger?  Hand me the gun … and my check.”  Lex did as he was told.  Mikhail pocketed the check then looked over the gun.  He handed the gun back to Lex and said, “This is to demonstrate that I have total confidence in my ability to control you.  Put it in your pocket.  If Miss Kent can not be convinced to end her relationship with you, I can always have you shoot her.  Your Father didn’t want you harmed, but he wasn’t very specific as to how I should make sure that you and Miss Kent end your affair.  On second thought, I’d better not do that.  I’ll need you at the bank I don’t want you arrested before I have my money.  I’ll just have you give Miss Kent the gun and order her to kill herself.”


Lex said, “I’ll kill you before I let you do anything to her.”


Mikhail said, “I’d better deal with this situation here and now.  Lex, you will do nothing by action or inaction to cause me harm in any way.  You will defend me with your life.  Good! ….  I’m very curious about how a schoolgirl can have such an effect on a man like yourself.  I am going to ask you some questions and you will answer me truthfully.  Is this Clara Kent your mistress?”


Lex said, “No.”


Mikhail asked, “Do you love her?”


Lex said, “Yes.”


Mikhail asked, “What is it that you love about her?”


Lex said, “Everything.”


Mikhail said, “Surely, there is something you would change about her if you could.”


Lex said, “Her age.”


Mikhail asked, “So you love this Clara’s … mind?”  Mikhail laughed.


Lex said, “Yes.”


Mikhail said, “Really?”


Lex said, “Yes.”


Mikhail asked, “How about her sense of humor?”


Lex said, “Yes.”


Mikhail said, “You have it bad.  That you love her despite the way she looks.  Could it be that somehow you think this Clara is beautiful?”


Lex said, “Yes.”


Mikhail said, “Again, you surprise me.  On a scale of one to … one hundred, how hot do you consider her to be – one hundred being a perfect score?”


Lex said, “One hundred.”


Mikhail said, “You are hopeless!  She dresses like a big bag.  Are you telling me she has a nice body?”


Lex said, “Yes.”


Mikhail, “I swear we must be talking about different people.  How good is she in bed?”


Lex said, “I don’t know.”


Mikhail said, “You haven’t ever had sex with her?  Remember, you must be honest with me.”


Lex said, “We haven’t had sex.”


Mikhail said, “I must be careful with her then.  She must have some great power to deceive you so.  What are your intentions with this Clara Kent then?”


Lex said, “I want to marry her.”


Mikhail asked, “Does she feel the same way about you?”


Lex answered, “I don’t know.”


Mikhail said, “What is your best guess?”


Lex said, “I don’t think she could possibly love me as much as I love her.”


Mikhail said, “She has you good!  This will take drastic measures.  Drastic measures are fun, don’t you think?”


Lex said, “NO!”


Mikhail said, “Sorry, that one was rhetorical.  I think we should be going.  I might want to catch that plane you arranged for me.  I won’t mind going home ten million dollars richer.  Where does Clara Kent live?”


Lex said, “She lives on a farm a few miles from here.”


Mikhail said, “She’s a farm girl?  Priceless!  This will be fun!”







Twelve minutes later, Lex and Mikhail got out of Lex’s car in front of the Kent farmhouse.  Mikhail whispered, “Clara Kent … come out, come out wherever you are.”


Clara walked up from the barn and said, “Lex … what are you doing here?  … And what is Mikhail from school doing with you.”


Mikhail said, “She knows my name!  I’ll bet it was love at first sight for her.”


Lex said, “I’m sorry Clara.”


Mikhail said, “Lex, be silent.  You are to stand there like a statue and watch everything Clara and I do.  Clara, I don’t think you have greeted me properly.”


Clara said, “Who do you think you are?  I don’t like you coming here and ordering Lex around like that.  You’re lucky my foot doesn’t greet your butt!”


Mikhail said, “You will do whatever I ask you to do.  I am your guest.  Welcome me with a kiss.”


Clara walked over and kissed Mikhail on the cheek.  Then she turned to Lex and asked, “Lex, what’s going on?”


Mikhail said, “Clara, don’t say anything unless I tell you to.  Pull your hair out of your face and look me in the eye.  I want to get a better look at you.”  Clara looked directly at Mikhail.  He said, “Less anger please.  Give me a smile … no … your BEST smile.  Dazzle me.”  Clara did as she was told.  Mikhail turned to Lex and said, “Lex, you didn’t lie.  She is stunning!  Such a little trickster too to hide it so well.  Her only flaw … other than her taste in men, is that she isn’t very friendly.  Clara, that kiss you gave me was a little cold.  Kiss me again … passionately … and on the lips this time.”


As Clara kissed Mikhail, Jonathan and Martha Kent ran out of the farm house to see what was going on.  Jon yelled, “What’s going on here?  Whoever you are, get your hands off of Clara!  Lex Luthor! I should have known you’d be involved!”


Mikhail said, “Lex, get your gun out of your pocket and aim it at the red head.  If anyone tries to harm me, shoot her.”


Lex pulled the gun out of his pocket and aimed it at Martha.  Jon said, “Who ARE you?!”


Mikhail said, “I’ll ask the questions and give the orders.  First question:  Who ARE you?”


Jonathan said, “I’m Jonathan Kent … and that’s my daughter that you’re groping.”


Mikhail said, “Oh, I know Clara … and I’m getting to know her better by the minute.  Who is the red head?”


Jonathan said, “That is my wife, Martha.”


Mikhail said, “Well Jonathan and Martha Kent, you will both go and stand beside Lex Luthor and silently watch everything I do to your little gold digger here.”  Jon and Martha marched stiffly over to stand next to Lex.  Mikhail said, “Clara, you’re a fast learner.  That last kiss was almost good enough to take my breath away.  But I want you to do even better next time.  You see, I can’t leave you here to have your way with Mr. Luthor.  My choices are to take you with me and make you my personal slave until such time as I grow tired of you … or order you to kill yourself.  So put everything you have within you into this next kiss, Dearest.  Kiss me like your life and your parents’ lives depend upon it … because they do.  Kiss me like you are trying to seduce me.”  Clara walked back over to Mikhail and kissed him for a long time before Mikhail pushed her away panting for air.  Mikhail said, “Oh my Lex.  I shouldn’t have doubted you for an instant.  Anything you want so badly must be the best in every way.  But still, I am a hard man to convince.  I don’t care much for loud, baggy plaid shirts and ill fitting blue jeans.  If I am to make an informed decision, I have to see exactly what I’m getting.  And Lex, for introducing me to her, you’ll get to enjoy this next part with me.  Martha and Jonathan, you turn around so that you don’t have to see.”  Martha and Jon turned around.  Mikhail said, “I changed my mind.  Jon and Martha, turn back around and look at your daughter.  You deserve to see what an obedient and obliging daughter Clara has become.  Clara, take off all your clothes.”


Clara’s hand reached very slowly for the top button of her shirt.  Her hand was trembling.  Mikhail said, “Quickly, my darling.  I’m impatient.”  Mikhail saw Clara’s hand return to her side.  She stood motionless.  Mikhail said, “I told you to undress!  Do it now!”  Mikhail stared at Clara in disbelief.  She still appeared to be as motionless as Lex and her parents.  He walked up to her and shouted in her face, “I TOLD YOU TO UNDRESS.  TAKE OFF ALL YOUR CLOTHES YOU STUPID GIRL!”  Clara’s face moved forward and locked lips with Mikhail.  His legs wobbled and he fell to the ground.  Clara ran into the house then came back and knelt next to Mikhail.  She put one hand over his mouth and another at the back of his neck.  Lex, Jonathan and Martha regained control of themselves and headed towards Clara and Mikhail.  Mikhail grabbed Clara’s arm, threw her aside and sprang to his feet.  He ran a short distance then turned to face Lex as Lex ran towards him.  Mikhail’s lips moved frantically but no sounds came out.  Lex punched Mikhail in the jaw and Mikhail fell to the ground unconscious.


Lex walked towards Clara to help her get up but Jonathan walked over and stood in his path.  Clara got up on her own and dusted off her jeans.  She shot an embarrassed look at Lex before running off into the barn.  Martha followed her.  Jon said, “Lex Luthor, take this man and get off my property!”


Lex said, “I’d like to know if … Miss Kent is okay before I leave.  It must have been a tremendous strain for her to resist Mikhail’s orders.”


Jon said, “You’re the one who brought the wolf to the door, weren’t you?”


Lex said, “Mr. Kent, you felt his power.  I had no choice.”


Jon said, “Well don’t you worry one minute about our Clara.  We’ll see to her.  Just make sure that this … this thing never comes back here again!”


Lex said, “He won’t bother your family any more.  I’ll see to it.”  Jon helped Lex put Mikhail into Lex’s car.






While Jon was outside with Lex, Martha had caught up with Clara in the barn loft.  Clara was sitting on her bed and crying softly as she kept an eye on Lex and her Father with her X-ray vision.  Martha softly said, “Its okay, Honey.  He’ll be gone in a couple minutes.”


Clara said, “NO!  It’s NOT okay!”


Martha said, “What’s wrong?”


Clara said, “Everything.  I shouldn’t have done what I did!”


Martha said, “You mean kissing that man?  You couldn’t help it, could you?”


Clara said, “I wasn’t talking about that.  But, no … I had to do everything that Mikhail told me to do.”


Martha said, “Well, not everything.”


Clara said, “EVERYTHING!”


Martha said, “You didn’t take off your clothes.”


Clara said, “Yes I did … THREE times!  I had stand outside naked in front of you and Daddy and … Mr. Luthor and Mikhail!  My underwear had holes in it too!  I’m so embarrassed.”


Martha said, “I watched every minute and I didn’t see you undress.”


Clara said, “I did it really fast … and he never said I had to keep my clothes off so I put them back on as soon as I took them off.”


Martha said, “That was clever.  I’m sure nobody saw anything.  Especially Mikhail.  He was confused and angry when he thought he couldn’t control you.”


Clara said, “It was so humiliating, Mom … but that’s not the worst part.  I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for what I did.  I didn’t have the right!  At first I thought he used hypnotism like I use to control people – either that or telepathy.  But I noticed that he made a high pitched sound from his vocal cords that I was pretty sure gave him his ability.  If I had guessed wrong and made a move too soon, he might have told me to kill you and Dad … and I would have had to do it!  So, I took a cue from what he said to me … I took his breath away … made him faint.  Then I ran into the house to get some duct tape to tape his mouth shut … but then I got scared that he could make that noise anyway … or that the police would let him go and he would come back.  So I got a coat hanger and made a tiny wire with it and … and I … I destroyed the nerves leading to his vocal cords.  He’ll never speak again!”


Martha said, “He deserved it!”


Clara said, “I’m not a judge and jury.  I didn’t have the right to do that!  I’d feel terrible if I woke up one day and couldn’t speak or sing again.  I want to be a doctor someday … but I just maimed a man!”


Martha said, “You didn’t have a choice.”


Clara said, “There’s always a choice!”


Martha said, “What?  To go with him … over our dead bodies?”


Clara said, “There must have been something I could have done.  I just couldn’t think of anything … and I was scared.”


Martha said, “I hate to say it, but this problem is only going to get worse in the future.  If people keep showing up with abilities that the authorities are helpless to cope with, you or someone like you is going to have to step in and do something.  And, Honey, as far as I know, there is no one else like you!”


Clara said, “Lucky me.”


Martha said, “Yes, you are lucky.  It may not seem like it at the moment, but you are blessed … and we are blessed to have you in our lives.  The only thing that worries me about ... Mikhail? … is that he was strong enough to toss you aside like that.  That makes him a threat even if he can’t speak.”


Clara said, “I let him push me away so that Lex … Mr. Luthor, wouldn’t be suspicious.”


Martha said, “Oh.  Good!  So the only question I have is why Mr. Luthor brought him here in the first place.  And why did he call you a gold digger and make comments about Lex wanting you?”


Clara said, “… I don’t know.”






The next day Lex met Clara at a large rock – their special meeting place.  He sat down next to her, took her hand and said, “I’m glad you came today.  I thought you might not make it.  I’m really sorry about what happened yesterday.  Mikhail wanted to humiliate me … and he used you to do it.”


Clara asked, “How does threatening my family and making me kiss him and get naked humiliate YOU?”


Lex answered, “Because he put me in a position where I was helpless to protect and defend the person I care about most in this world.”


Clara said, “Oh.”


Lex continued, “You should be proud of yourself.  You showed that you have a lot more will power than the rest of us by resisting his commands.  He had me hold a gun to my head and I knew that if he had simply said the word, I would have shot myself.  I have never felt as helpless in my life as I did yesterday.”


Clara asked, “Are you disappointed that you didn’t get to see me naked?”


Lex said, “Ummm.  No comment to that one.  We’re just lucky that the strain of trying to control all of us at once caused him to collapse.  Who knows what else he might have done if he had managed to maintain control a little longer!”


Clara said, “It scares me to think about it.  If anything happened to my parents or you, I don’t know what I’d do.”


Lex said, “What I don’t understand is that last kiss you gave him.  You had obviously found a way to break his spell, but you went ahead and kissed him without him ordering you to.”


Clara said, “Oh … um … I  didn’t … he whispered for me to kiss him.  Probably to see why some of his commands were working and some weren’t!’


Lex said, “I guess that makes sense.  Except how could he force you to kiss him again when he was unable to make you disrobe?”


Clara said, “I guess I’m just more resistant to getting naked than kissing.  Kissing is no big deal … really … I … guess.”


Lex said, “Maybe for other people, but your lips should be registered as lethal weapons.”


Clara said, “Stop it!”


Lex said, “I think I already told you this … but I am really glad you came here today.”


Clara said, “I had to.”


Lex said, “Had to?  Why?”


Clara looked down and grasped Lex’s hand a little tighter.  She blushed noticeably as she said, “I have a problem that only you can help me with.”


Lex said, “Really?  You know I’ll do anything I can to help you -- anything at all.  What’s the problem?”


Clara looked Lex in the eye and said, “Since yesterday … I’ve had this really … terrible … taste in my mouth … and … I thought that … maybe ….”  Clara saw a sparkle flash in Lex’s eyes.  Lex and Clara wrapped their arms around each other and their lips embraced.  They spent the next hour together.  Lips moved, but not a word was spoken.